Guest Guest Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 ***originally written by Homesteader*** She strapped on her skates and smiled weakly, challenging Homey to a rollerblading contest. Little did she know that Homey was used to snow skis in snow country … not roller skates. Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 Giggle. Here we go again! Quote Link to comment
Lois Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 Homey... it's good to see you up to your highjinx again! Quote Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted May 23, 2003 Share Posted May 23, 2003 ****originally written by Darlene**** Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh what a TANGLED web we weave, when FIRST we practice to DECEIVE..................... *sigh* poor homey...isn't there some medications that can be taken or maybe even a truth serum that could be administered to her to help her with her MAJOR memory lapses? *I* am the innocent one. *smile* This is what REALLY happened... Homey had come to visit me AGAIN...she was ALWAYS coming to visit...for DAYS she begged me to take her rollar blading, asking incessant questions like "is it like ice skating, Darlene"..."yes, dear it is, but much faster"..."do you think I could actually do it Darlene?"..."yes, dear that's a small glimmer of hope that you'd be able to pull it all off"...."when can we do it Darlene?"...."soon homey, soon, when I feel you are ready"... Finally, my heart just broke for her...there she was, standing in my kitchen, with the biggest puppy eyes you've ever seen. I had to say to myself..."Self? you must meet your dear friend homey at her point of need...you must show her new horizons and teach her new things so that maybe some day all the lessons she learned from you could be passed down from generation to generation..." *heavy sigh* I knew that if she was ever going to learn how to blade, *I* was the one that had to teach her, so I went and got a pair of my sons blades and handed them to her. She was jumping up and down as if you had taken her to the icecream store to buy an icecream cone *which she also does there*. I very gently and sweetly told her to put on the blades and when she looked me in the eyes, her eyes were blank and she said to me, "huh?" I said to Self, *patience Darlene, patience*. I walked over to her, put my arms around her shoulders and said, "no problemo chica, I'll take ya step by step*...you shoulda SEEN the huge grin that filled her face...it just made my heart go out to my friend homey. I grabbed my blades and demonstrated for her how to slip her foot into the boot. She still had this quizical expression on her face but I valantly cheered her on saying "GO HOMEY YOU CAN DO IT CHICA, I KNOW YOU CAN...WOOOOOHOOOOO!" All of a sudden determination was etched in the lines around her eyes and she stuck that size 11 foot into my sons boot. She lifted her head up and was grinning from ear to ear. I said, "homey now lace the boots up." She struggled leaning over cause her big boobs kept getting in the way so finally, I humbled myself and knelt in front of her and laced her boots up for her...it was a very emotional moment as it took me back to the days when I would tie my childrens shoes when they were babies...*smile* Finally! We got both the rollar blades on her feet and I said to her, "listen chica, it's do or die now...either you stand up without falling down or, wellllllllllllllllllll, let's not go here, hon" homey grabbed each side of the chair and pushing up with her arms, gingerly stood up. Her feet began to roll a little bit and she went PLOP back into the chair. I put on my most *patient* look and told her to try again...needless to say it took about 25 times but she finally stood up without plopping down but what to my wonderous eyes should I see? Her knees were shaking, they were quaking, but she had that steely look of determination in her eyes. I had to give that girl credit! I took her hand and said, "follow me, I will guide you. I will not let you fall, I will not let you injure yourself, I will not let you make a spectacle of yourself! You can TRUST ME!" *smile* So, out the front door we went, her arms were flailing in the air as she tried to keep her balance. Part of the problem was that she kept trying to *walk* in the blades so I had to continually remind her, "rollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll homey, rollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll". We entered into the park and I slowed down my usual pace so that she could keep up with me. I know that I usually leave her in the dust but that day, for some strange reason, I didn't want to. *sigh* We bladed around the park and she started to roll a little better, her arms flailing only every 15 seconds, instead of every 5 seconds, so I could see that she was making progress. We bladed all around the park in slow speed and came to a place in the park where the ducks like to congregate. We were going down a hill and I really wanted to take it fast but just didn't have the heart to leave her behind. And yes, it is true as I was speeding down the hill that a duck started to waddle across my path and so I had to make a split moment decision...go left? go right? And with lightening speed the answer came to me, GO STRAIGHT....which I did. I turned around to glance at homey once I passed the duck and saw that her face was awestruck. She said to me in a very tiny and quietly reverent voice... Oh Darlene! You're AWESOME! I thought for sure you were a gonner! I bladed over to my friend homey and once put my arm around her shoulder and said to her very gently... "Stick with me kiddo, I'll teach ya things you never imagined..." And that's MY story and I'm STICKING TO IT! *angelic smile* Quote Link to comment
ArmyOfFive4God Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 We need a forum called the "Darchives" Quote Link to comment
Darlene Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Yanno Cat, you are being a HUGE pita...lololol I'm gonna take away your keyboard...lol Quote Link to comment
westbrook Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 maybe this is where I need to talk about turtle hunting? darlene is wearing her pith helmet, has .22 pistole in hand and is gonna kill this snapping turtle in her pond! the only problem is each time we sport the stupid thing, she gets all excited, runs in the house grabs her safari gear and elephant pea shooter and the stupid turtle dives down under the water! It is like the the turtle knows what she is up to! turtle reads darlenes mind? more later! Quote Link to comment
Cat Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh... Nobody could read *her* mind!!! Snapping turtles are wary of people. They'll sun themselves at the top of the water, but dive when they see you approach. Ours will dive when they see us looking from the window, 50 feet away! Better to sit and wait from a far enough distance to shoot, but stay *stationary*. Like maybe while she's sunbathing... gun at the ready? I was looking for the first Princess Boot Camp thread for someone, and ran across *this* one. I thought it kinda funny, remembering the duck thread elsewhere... Hard tellin' WHAT I might find... I hafta keep looking for the other thread, since I haven't found it yet! Quote Link to comment
Necie Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Ok--so this explains the attack of the killer duck.....revenge for his roller bladed fallen brethren. Now, if she gets this turtle....it'll be attack of the fencing turtles.....(Trip asked for a Katana) Quote Link to comment
Homesteader Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Oh, Cat. You are such a BRAT!! I thought these adventures were safely tucked away in the past. I see that Dar is still telling the big ones when Westy tries to explain everything that is happening in beautiful Georgia. Westy, I know her shooting abilities. I hope you're not waiting for turtle soup. Just go for the McDonalds' drive-thru on the way to the airport. You won't starve that way. Quote Link to comment
westbrook Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 homey, I wasn't gonna mention that I have been waiting for 2 days for turtle soup! but now that you have.... actually I was surprised... she hit the spot but it was like he heard the sound and it was down parascope for the turtle! I was so wanting a nice bowl of turtle. Quote Link to comment
etp777 Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Bluegill on a hook always used to bring the snappers to the surface at the lake up at camp. Suckesr always tried to take my catch right off the hook before I could reel it in. Quote Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.