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Where to retire?


ROBIE

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This one or something like this has probably been seen before, but here goes anyway!....

 

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...

 

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

 

OR

 

You can retire to California where...

 

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

 

OR

 

You can retire to New York City where...

 

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note: if you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

 

OR

 

You can retire to Minnesota where...

 

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

 

OR

 

You can retire to the Deep South where...

 

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder", or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.

 

OR

 

You can retire to Colorado where...

 

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

 

OR

 

You can retire to the Midwest where...

 

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

 

OR

 

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...

 

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

 

 

 

Robie :laughkick:

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I can testify about two of those, but you're making the midwest sound an awful lot like the south.

 

Well, it is! I grew up in a one stoplight town in the Midwest. I came this > < close to moving to Atlanta. I know the difference between "city" manners and "small town" manners. Many around Atlanta still keep the small town/rural manners. I really wish I had moved down there; it was the best of both worlds- plentiful jobs but friendly people.

 

Now I am in an area where merging on the highway is a giant game of chicken. :(

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  • 2 months later...

Lived in the mid-central USA most all my life. When living on west coat I missed the changing seasons, missed hearing birds greeting God every morning and missed the "silence" of the morning coffee people! We've chosen to stay here where our taxes are cheap, groceries are reasonable, car gas is lower than the nation, and you know your neighbors and their kids...IF you want to! I'd love to post a pic of myself and Mr. P...but we fly under the radar! Hugs...

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Rural living in Wa.state---- I love not looking at neigbors houses, love seeing the stars at night, love the trees & wildlife and mostly--the peace and quiet of the woods. My "road trips" are 30 minutes away--to Costco. It is good here.

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Deep south here...lol. Even the police tell you when it comes to protecting yourself, family or property...'you gotta do what you gotta do'.... So he needed killin' is definitely a defense. Our new property in 15 miles from town out yonder and all y'all our welcome to come have sweet tea out on the front porch .... just call first so you don't meet the end of the 20 gauge. We don't fish in the contaminated water around here so have no need for bait and have gone 'uptown' with Netflix so no longer rent movies...lol

 

Blessings,

Mrs. Billy Bob

edited to add (hubby's name really is William Robert)

Edited by blestmomof4
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