rockncook Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 My dad died last week-he was 50, and suffered his third heart attack, which took him so quickly he didn't have time to get his nitro out of his pocket. Of course, I was wrecked with grief in the beginning, which was why I didn't post here before I left. I'm much better now-the memorial was mostly what he would have wanted it to be, and my mom is doing well, as is my brother. They were my primary concerns. But what I want to do here, was post some of the things I wanted to say at the memorial. I couldn't, because I just couldn't stop crying then. But I wanted you all to know a little bit about my dad-cause y'all are important to me and he was such a good man... So, meet my dad.. His name really was John Smith. He took an incredible amount of ribbing for that. He had an amazing sense of humor-he could make any one laugh, and make the blandest story funny and exciting. He was fatalistic-he's always been a risk taker, had a hard job (truck driver since he was 17), had a history of drug use (but had been clean since probably 81 or so), and didnt take care of himself the way he should have...but...he took care of his family. He made sure that my mom and my brother (he's 23, got a rough start to adult hood, but on the right path now, I think) were taken care of financially. He didnt make any financial provisions for me, and it took me until yesterday to realize that's cause, even though we're broke, he knew I could take care of myself. Broke is OK, long as the lights are on and something is cooking on the stove-after all, it's how he spent most of his life. My mom and my brother, he still needed to take care of. He's not my biological father. That guy was never really more than a sperm donor, but when he and my mom got together, I was only 5 or so, and didn't realize that fact yet, so, in the nature of most step children, I hated him. I blamed him for stealing my mom from my dad, and for taking my mom's attention away from me. He didn't, but in a five year old's mind, if he wasn't around, I'd have had more, yanno? I'd do things I knew I"d get in trouble for, just to tick him off. And he punished me, as good dads must do, whether they like it or not. He loved me despite that, or maybe because of it. He was always a big fan of rebellion in small ways, as I told my 13 year old when I had to tell her of this sad news-her hair is currently blue, and while he'd have teased her for it, he'd have loved that she did it. When I was about 15, I was on the phone with a friend, in the kitchen, when he came in with dinner. I said "I have to go, my step dad is here with dinner." He looks at me with a grin on his face (he always had one of those at the ready) and said "I don't call YOU my step daughter." He was dad to me from that day on. He taught me to drive, he taught me to grieve and move on when a friend died, he taught me that money is good but family is better. He taught me to be passionate about my beliefs, and passionate about love. He taught me to stand on my own two feet, and to survive no matter what. He gave me my sense of humor, very much a key to that survival. He wasn't much on saying I love you, but I always knew it was there, offered up in those dad ways: fixing my car, teaching me how to fix my own car, offering a few bucks for gas money, picking me up when I ditched a date, adoring my children and being proud of my accomplishments, giving advice when asked for and shutting up when it wasn't. He said it a lot more after his first heart attack, but I never really needed to hear it, cause I knew it was there. I'm proud of the man who raised me, and of the things he did in his own life. He had a lot of friends-the memorial had an awesome turn out, considering we had icky weather and a lot of guys were out on the road and couldn't get in. It was a measure of the type of guy he was-there were grizzled, tough, lived through it all men there, that I've known for 20 years and never seen upset or moved by much except laughter, broken down in tears at his passing. They all said they'd miss his jokes-if JOhn didn't tease you, he didn't really like you. He always found something, always hit home, but always had you laughing at yourself along with him. Thanks, folks, for meeting my dad. He was a great man, and will be sorely missed! Mommy of Six Link to comment
gardnmom Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 I am so happy to have met your Dad. He sounds like the kind of man I would have been pleased to know. Thank you for sharing him with us. ((((Mommyof6)))) Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 (((((Mommyofsix))))) I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing with us! Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 What a lovely tribute to your Dad. You were lucky to have him step in and be your Dad. Link to comment
Bamboo Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 Mommyof6, I am so sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful man and will be greatly missed. Thanks for feeling close enough to us to share your tribute and your dad with us. Link to comment
webroox Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 to your entire family. I enjoyed "meeting" your Dad. I'm glad you were able to write about him and what he meant to you. Link to comment
redhenfarm Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 (((Mommyofsix))) I'm sorry for your loss. Know you'll be missing him and that's so hard. Thank you for telling us about him. Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 Your post brought tears to my eyes... I can comprehend the love that you feel towards him because that's how I feel about my own dad... Probably the most awesome gift your dad ever gave you was a lifetime of beautiful memories...that is something nobody can ever touch or take away. Thank you for sharing someone that means so much to you...I feel honored to have met him with the words you shared from your heart. (((((mommy6))))) Link to comment
Linda Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 how wonderful... what a wonderful gift he left you... thank you for sharing Link to comment
Homesteader Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 You and your family were truly blessed to have such a wonderful person heading your family. I am sure he is just as pleased with the folks he left behind, as you are with him. Link to comment
Guest Guest Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 Awesome tribute to your dad. Your kids will benefit from the way he raised you. Link to comment
HapyGirl Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 I'm sorry for your loss Link to comment
rockncook Posted November 19, 2005 Author Share Posted November 19, 2005 Thanks to everyone for their kind words, thoughts, and prayers. I feel awesome that I never left anything unsaid with him. I regret him not meeting Roan, but the other day at mom's house Roan was sitting in his chair just smiling away at nothing...makes me wonder, LOL. I think, after posting this, I am finally at peace with it...I'll probably cry a bit more, of course, but then I'll do what he would want me to do...play with my kids, provide for them, and just love life=I just hope I can take as many people along for the fine ride as he did! It was so nice to share him with you all. I really NEEDED to say what I said, and I appreciate that you all understand that need, and embraced him so well. He'd have loved meeting a bunch of strong women! Link to comment
Roseofsharon Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 (((((mommyof6))))) What a beautiful post- made me cry and remember my dad. Link to comment
Texmex Posted November 19, 2005 Share Posted November 19, 2005 I absolutely loved what you had to say about your father. I, too, recently lost my father (two months ago). My father also was not very big on saying the "I love you" or expressing his feeling verbally, but, like you said, when it was time to fix my car or pass me a few bucks, my dad was right there. I just wanted to tell you that your memorial to your father was absolutely wonderful. Those words came directly from your heart. I want to congratulate you on your ability to put your feelings in words . Link to comment
motherearth Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Thanks for sharing with us. Link to comment
bee1425 Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 MommyofSix, thank you for sharing memories of your dad. Link to comment
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