The Adoption Option

[Mt_Rider]

I was about to go to bed [like I have any sense LOL] but the word 'adoption' caught my eye. I loved reading all your stories! I love adoption stories. So here's mine.

 

Dh and I separately, before we ever met, wanted to have children thru adoption. 'Nuff kiddos in the world that needed families. No need make more. See how God put us together cuz not everyone thinks that way. It was a first option for us.

 

So we mentioned our 'plan' to our pastor - he was bleary from no sleep that Sunday...cuz his new little 4 yr old girl had just arrived from Korea and it had been a looong nite. WELL he just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He and his wife dragged us down the the international agency's next Information Meeting. "But DH isn't done with schooling yet." "We aren't set up for this yet." "We're going to move to Colorado first."

 

But there we were, listening to the presentation.....and we were BOTH attracted to a picture on the board of the Waiting Children. During the break, we 'bout ran up to that board and looked at all the pictures. Reasons for their 'waiting-for-a-family' status included disabilities, older child, and sibling groups. Most people still wanted babies. We didn't. DH pointed to the exact picture that had caught my eye so strongly and said, "What about these two?" Two scared-looking girls holding each other's hand tightly stared out of that picture. About 9 & 11 yrs old. So we asked someone about them.

 

 

Whooooosh, you'da thot we got swept into a flooded storm drain. That's what I felt like. Those ladies that worked there didn't waste any time if they thot they might have a family for a Waiting Child...or two. By the time we left there that nite, we had another picture (they were now 10 & 12 yrs old) and their brief history. All too brief! We wanted to know everything! And we were scheduled for the next Class required for international adoptive parents by this agency. The next 9 months (yes, it took the standard 9 months for our children to arrive LOL ) went by in a blur. We 'bout wore those history papers and pictures out...gazing at them...trying to find out what those girls were really like. [My friend said the picture looked like one said to the other "We need someone to choose us" and the other said, "But maybe no one ever will." ]

 

This is one of the amazing parts of that 9 months of paperwork-processing time. At first, when I'd meet new people and exchange the trivia of our lives...the question would come up, "Do you have any kids?" I'd answer rather excitedly, "No, but we're adopting sisters from Korea." Sometime later I noticed that my answer had changed. "Do you have any kids?" "YES, but we haven't met them yet!!"

 

The airport arrival gate area was packed the night they arrived in the USA. Cuz by then our whole church was Adoption Airport Junkies. Several folks had adopted international kids and there wasn't one of those parents who could get thru the story of their beloved kids' arrival without tears coming to their eyes. Even if that arrival had been YEARS ago. So when someone else's child was due to arrive....EVERYone wanted to come and see that marvelous beginning again and again.

 

Our girls were two of six children arriving on that flight with the escorts. With so much crowding, I couldn't see the door. All the other passengers got off first. Then the three babies were carried out, one at a time. Then the 4 yr old, who had just figured out she wasn't going to understand this at all. (poor thing) The crowds closed in to cluster around these families. So I'm short and WANTED to see! I stood up on something, clinging to dh's hand. Our video tape of this evening is one of my prize possessions. It shows me leaping down to the floor when I spotted our girls being escorted thru the doorway. [My friend told me a football player scoring a touchdown couldn't have done a better launch.] DH and I plowed our way thru and grabbed those girls in a big four-way hug. A long hug. We had waited so long for this moment. Being proper Korean girls, the younger one had tried to politely greet us, complete with respectful head bow. The video shows that too. Ah well, America does it our way.

 

[seeeeee, I never CAN get thru this story without tearing up]

 

Well, that was over 20 yrs ago. We have GrChildren now. We never did quite get around to adopting more. Life just got tough and it never settled enough to do it again...tho we'd planned to. We never had any trouble with the 'are we a family?' issue. DD2 jumped into our family. DD1 had been told 'stories' that made her cautious but gradually let down her guard. We became Adoption Airport Junkies too. We went to watch the arrival of two small sisters that our girls had actually known at the orphanage. As they met their new family, our girls were translating their Korean chatter for us. I asked DD2 if she thot they were happy to come. She looked at me as tho I had two heads. "Everybody wants a mom and dad!" she declared. [well, duh! ]

 

As for the labeling...yeah, they are just our daughters. But I have a funny story about taking DD2 to the doctor. She was about 16 and taller than me by just a bit. And naturally, looked nothing like me. So somehow the receptionist got all confused, not understanding that I was the mom. Suddenly light dawned and she blurted out, "Oh, you're adopted!" My beautiful, clearly Asian daughter deadpanned immediately, "Mom! You never told me I was adopted!" The receptionist actually got distressed until we both began laughing hysterically. Uh, like we've never noticed? That's my girl!

 

 

Oh....... folks just do NOT know what they are missing. I never did the 'homemade' way of becoming a parent. I'm sure it's so wonderous too. But if anyone ever doubts how special it is to meet the child(ren) you've chosen...that God chose for you.... Well, no words are adequate. God had kids for us....He just had them born in Korea. But He made SURE that we both recognized them when we saw their picture from clear across the room!

 

 

MtRider [oooo wow, I really wrote a long one this time.... ]

[JCK88]

MtRider...I couldn't get through your story without tearing up!!! (and for someone with Sjogren's, that's a real feat, let me tell you!)

 

HUGZ to you and your family!!

[Stephanie]

I just read this with my morning coffee!! I enjoyed it soooo much!!

 

I loved the fact that it was your first option. I know now that it was God's first option for me.

 

Sometimes people say, "Oh, so you don't have any children of your own?"

 

I quickly respond, "These children are my own, ordained by God Himself to be mine. I've not reproduced my body, but instead I'm reproducing my heart and soul into them."

 

Having never birthed a child, I cannot compare. I've seen my sister deliver two sets of twins, I know that birth is a miracle! But so is adoption, and not as a last resort!!

 

Just let me get my second cup of coffee and I've got to tell y'all about our first adoption!

[Stephanie]

Okay, here's one of many happy tales!

 

It was the a little over a week before Christmas of 1995 and we had become foster parents several months earlier. The story of how that happened is amazing unto itself, but another story.

 

We had several foster children and was just getting use to this parenting thing. We had attended a church staff Christmas Party (DH was running the church soft ball fiels at that time). When I got home my answering machine was blinking. I checked it and heard some wonderful words.

 

"We have a newborn, premature baby that is ready to be released from the hospital. Would you be interested?"

 

I was beside myself, nearly ready to swoon with excitement!

 

But also worried that they had located another family!

 

I called, yes the baby still needed a foster home, could I come and meet the social worker at the hospital? Indeed! And I was off like a bullet.

 

When I got to the local charity hospital, I really didn't know what to expect. But it was wonderful and so was the staff. They were so accomodating. And there he was! He was so tiny, just 5 lbs. They had him swaddled in one of those hospital nursery blankets.

 

The nurses must have seen the longing in my eyes as I stood gazing through that big glass window. The next thing I knew they were helping me into a sterile paper gown and etc.

 

I was escorted to a rocking chair close by and handed my Baby Boy. Oh the joy, the wonder, the trepidition...

 

As I examined every detail of his little round face I looked up to see the bed that he had called home for the first two weeks of his life. At the end it held no indication of who he was or who he would be, it simply read "Acute Care Baby".

 

He had been a foundling, he had been rescued from impending death, he was nameless, he was unclaimed.

 

My heart ached to think that my precious baby had been here alone without me to hold and cuddle him.

 

It was a long weekend, as the doctors determined to wait and do a few more final doctor things. The next day I took my whole family to see him. And on Monday we brought him home.

 

He was no longer unnamed nor unclaimed! And although it took 2 1/2 years before we achieved adoption through the system. He was my first forever child. The first one to fill up my empty arms, the first of my many miracles.

 

Let me just tell you as a side note. He is one great kid, now a strapping young man of 12 1/2. He has more personality in his pinkie that most people have in their whole body. He has been a part of the fostering that we have done. He has welcomed new children, cried when they left, encouraged us to keep fostering.

 

He has been used so much in our lives, we are sipping from our saucer, cause our cup is overflowing!

[Dee]

My father was against DH and I adopting a child. He gave many reasons why we shouldn't adopt. I like to argue and I was coming up with all the arguments on why we SHOULD adopt. Before starting the arguments, that I knew would get us no where, I decided to lay it on the line with him.

 

In the end I said to him, Dad I love you BUT when/if we get a child he/she will come first in our hearts and lives. You can make the choice of accepting my child or losing your child.

 

When we got our son they drove from CA to IA and were here almost before we got the baby home. Mom, of course, fell in love with him instantly, I didn't know about Dad.

 

However, when they left, Dad hugged me and with a tear in his eye he said, "you have a keeper". I knew then things would be ok.

 

He and DS were very close and had wonderful times when Dad came back. They fished and told horrile lies to the rest of us about the fish they threw back. Grandpa took DS out to drive on the country roads when he was about 10, never knowing that we all knew what they were doing. So many things.

 

Dad died when DS was 15. I sometimes think DS took it worse than the rest of us.

 

Yep, God knows which child is ours and he also knows how to open the hearts of an unaccepting grandparent.

 

[babysteps]

Just wanted to say that y'all are breaking my heart!!

 

I have 5 bio children, so most people look at my family and figure we've got enough littles, but *I* look at it and wonder who's missing! But we live in a very crowded home right now with my m-i-l, and there is, quite honestly, NO ROOM for more children. And believe me, I've gotten very creative in trying to figure out a way to tuck in another little or two!

 

We did foster care for 4 years when we lived in Idaho. We got into it specifically with the intent to adopt, but none of the littles we fostered ever came up for adoption. There were a few I wanted to run away with! In fact I used to tease their case workers that I might just hide them and report them as missing. (My favorite case worker would tell me he'd give me a couple days' head start before he started looking!)

 

And then we moved to Oregon and part of me would love to do it again. But there is really no room. We've talked about doing some remodeling and adding on a couple of bedrooms, and we might do that next year, but for now there's no $ for that!

 

And to top it all off, there is CURRENTLY a group of three brothers on a Christian adoption website that I've been agonizing over for months. They came up about a year ago and I fell in love then, and contacted the family. They thought they had a placement last fall but it fell through, so they're back up, and OH! I WANT THEM!!!

 

I love to hear all your stories. If anyone has a couple of spare bedrooms they could loan me , maybe I could have a story of my own!

[MomM]

Thank you Ladies for being the Mothers that God wanted you all to be! What I tell my own DD's (who have special needs children) is also very true for you all. God knows the parents these children need, and that is why he gave you all these precious children!

[MamaTiger]

I have given birth to children...but I am here to tell you that I felt not one whit's difference the first time I saw my birth children as I did the first moment I laid eyes on my adopted son. I loved him no less than I love these little ones God gave me thru birth. That boy was my child just as these are.

 

My dh and I both have a heart for adoption and would love to adopt more...but so far the Lord hasn't opened that door.

[Stephanie]

You are going to love Ch 17 for the "How Then Shall We Live". I wrote it last night, and I can't wait for you to read it.

 

I don't believe that the Lord has placed that desire to adopt in your heart for naught. There is a purpose behind it and His timing will be perfect!

 

for those extra bedrooms!

 

and by the way, i was writing a series of short stories some while back called the "Mis-placed Child" that I thought of when you said you were looking for who was missing, that's what my characters in the story did.

[Stephanie]

MomM, thank you for those kind words. I stand in amazement that the Lord chose me to serve Him this way. My kids are treasures, in every sense of the world.

 

MamaTiger, that is so precious that you have a heart for adoption. I wish so many more people did. Our children are our greatest natural resource, and it is such a waste when they live their lives unclaimed. I pray that those doors will open in a miraculous way and SOON!

 

[mishbloom]

I'm reading all of your stories with tears in my eyes. God Bless you all for your wonderful hearts!

 

I've thought about adoption so many times that I've probably worn holes on my mouse surfing adoption online! Unfortunately I don't know if my DH would ever agree to it...and I honestly don't know that we could ever afford it. But I really do feel (as babysteps put it) like "someone's missing." We have four boys of our own, and DH had a vasectomy done after the last one was born. But I still feel like we're meant to have at least one more. So I just keep praying....

 

 

 

 

[Stephanie]

((((Mishbloom))))

 

Thanks for those kind words! And I pray that God will give you direction concerning desire for adoption.

 

As I mentioned earlier, be watching for chapter 17 in my Fireside story "How Then Shall We Live". It's my own true testimony of how the miracle of adoption overtook us.

 

[momof3]

Have been reading this site for quite some time and finally decided to register after seeing this thread.

 

We have two bio boys and just brought home our dear 3-year-old daughter from China in March. She is just a joy. Would like to adopt again, but believe we have to wait a while. Would love to adopt from China again, but we're not eligible anymore (am sad about that....)

 

momof3

 

[Dee]

Hey Momof3 I'm glad this thread caught your interest and started you posting. The first is the hardest!!

 

Two boys and a girl....what a wonderful family. Congratulations!!!

[Stephanie]

Hi momof3! Nice to meet you!

 

I'm so glad you joined and posted. Adoption is a miracle isn't it? And such a blessing to be a part of.

 

When you mentioned your little girl, I couldn't help but think of Steven Curtis Chapman. I cried when his little girl was killed, and he's adopted three from China. He and his wife are big adoption advocates.

[Aint2nuts]

Originally Posted By: Mt_Rider

\ God had kids for us....He just had them born in Korea. But He made SURE that we both recognized them when we saw their picture from clear across the room!
]

My son recognized me the first time he saw me. I had planned on having my fosterkids call me by my first name. He had other ideas. Mommy was his first word to me, and Mommy I have been for 10 years (He is 12 now and off at boy scout camp for the first time, man I miss him!).

[Stephanie]

That's so sweet! My oldest three are leaving for camp this Wednesday for the first time...with Daddy in tow. I don't think I could bear it otherwise!

 

I bet your sweetie is going to have a blast!!

[Aint2nuts]

Originally Posted By: prayed2baMom

That's so sweet! My oldest three are leaving for camp this Wednesday for the first time...with Daddy in tow. I don't think I could bear it otherwise!

I bet your sweetie is going to have a blast!!

Yes he is having a blast. I talked to him three times this week. LOL ! Twice he called, and once I called him on the leaders cell phone to ask where the trash bags were (In his room!)

He comes home tomorrow.

[fostermomma]

We are an adoptive family also. We have a total of seven kids in our home. Three adopted. Our oldest was adopted thru foster care he came to us at the age of eight and is now 14. Our second to youngest is about to turn two she was adopted thru private adoption. Our youngest is six months old and was adopted thru private adoption. We have four foster children two of which we are in process of adopting. They are six and three we have had them since the youngest ones birth. Our other two are 12 and 8 they have been with us for two years, we aren't sure what will happen with them but, it looks like we maybe able to adopt them as well. All of the kids are special needs. Some due to abuse and others due to physical problems.

 

We would love to adopt again even if we are able to adopt all of the foster kids we have now. Infact a foster friend of ours has a sibling group of two that is part of a sib group of three that's rights have been terminated and they are looking for an adoptive home for these kids. We would love to adopt them. We due respite for them on the regular basis and we have play dates with these kids at least once a week. The kids are Nine and three. The other child in the sib group is 5. It is up in the air what will happen to the five year old.

 

If anyone is interested in doing a special needs private adoption I would like to suggest contacting Christian Homes for special kids. It is a wonderful faith based Christian group. Our youngest daughter was adopted thru them. I would love to adopt thru them again. It is unlike any other adoption org that I know of.

 

We believe that God will give us the kids he wants us to have for the amount of time he wants us to have them. So if He opens the door for us to adopt more we are more than willing.

 

We have had an on going situation with two of our former foster kids that we are really praying about. I have mentioned it on here before but, to make a very very long story short. The county these kids where from was doing some very illegal things. The kids where not siblings. Anyway the younger child is living in a car with his mother and half sibs and step dad. They make and sell meth and run it between here and Kentucky. So it is a very bad situation. The other child was moved from us because the state thought she would be better off living in a home with other children of multiple races. She had been with us for two years at the time she left and she didn't want to leave. Now she is living in a residntial facility and since she is about to turn 15 her chances of being adopted are slim to none now. We wanted to adopt both of these children and we still would. We have contact with family members of both of these kids on the regular basis so it keep this all going the family members also would like us to adopt them. I still have no idea why the good Lord had things work out with these kids the way that they have, I suppose it is one of those things that I am not supposed to understand. So I will keep on praying and trusting in the Lords will.

 

I am so glad you started this thread.

 

 

[Stephanie]

for sharing your story! I am touched by your willingness to open your heart and home to special needs children! God Bless you!!

 

Our oldest also came to us when he was 8 and will turn 14 in November. I am always encouraging people to consider older child adoptions. There are so many older children waiting, and I wouldn't take anything for my Josiah. He chose that name from the Bible. Josiah was an eight year old kind, and he was eight.

[babysteps]

Fostermomma,

 

The CHASK website is where those three boys that I'm in love with are listed! They are a set of 9 year old twins and their 7 year old brother.

 

I agree, they're a wonderful agency. I pray that the Lord will open the door for our family sometime!

 

The website is www.chask.org

 

 

 

 

[fostermomma]

Forgive me this will be long. I think I should share my CHASK story.

 

About five years ago we adopted our oldest son. While talking with an adoption worker we where told that CHASK might have resources we could use for him. So I contacted them and ended up filling out the adoptive parent information and got on their list of wanting to adopt.

 

About once a year a CHASK worker would call us to make sure we still wanted to adopt and would make updates if needed to our profile.

 

Well CHASK called us on the 17th of December asking if we still wanted to adopt I said yes and assumed that as usuall they would ask if there was any changes and if so they would make it for me. Instead they said well we have a baby girl for you if your intrested in being submitted. They told us about her issues and we said yes. A couple days later the birth grandmother called us and we talked for an hour and she told me that without a doubt we where the family that her daughter wanted for her baby. about a week later we where able to meet our daughter at the hospital. She was beautiful and perfect and such a suprise blessing. She was in the hospital for a month had two surgeries and is now home and doing well. We have an open adoption and have meet the birth family and have even went out to eat with them, they are great and we feel that things couldn't go any better.

 

I can't tell you how suprised we where that we where called to adopt like that I mean we where on the list but it seemed like it came out of the blue. It is amazing how God works things out.

I truley believe that CHASK is a God based mission and they are saving the lives for children who probably would have been aborted if not for the org.

 

Babysteps-hang in there God may let you get the call when you least expect it. It is a long wait but very worth it. By the way now just the twins are on the site.

 

 

[HannaLee]

My husband and I fostered for five years before adopting a sibling group of three. We have five by birth (currently 12,nearly 11,9,6.5,3) one of whom came after the adoption. My adopted children (aged 10,6,6) are Hispanic and biologically half siblings. The older, 4yo when we got him, the twins were 7 mo. and 11 months when they joined us. They had all been split up. I had to fight like a momma lion to get my daughter placed with us. The SW thought I had enough children and wanted to adopt her out separately and thought it no big deal to separate the twins. AARGH!

 

All were multi-drug-exposed, the twins had malnutrition (they were not 8 pounds at 5 months old, when they were detained) and failure to thrive. My son has well-controlled kidney disease, and my daughter is speech delayed, but doing good. Physically, she didn't walk until 2, didn't run until 3.5, but now can do anything, She even rides a bike without training wheels!

 

I have no regrets about adopting through foster care. I'd do it again if my husband were led to add to our family.

 

They are my main reason for prepping. I would hate to see them hungry. I believe that Jesus will rapture us away before TS-REALLY-HTF, but who knows how bad it will get here before then....

[Stephanie]

Fostermomma and Mommaofmany, Thank you for sharing your stories. How wonderful to read testimony of the hand of God moving in the lives of willing hearts.

 

Babysteps, I clicked on your link you shared. I had never heard of this place, it looks great. I'm sure I'll be returning to it often and exploring their resources.

[Shandy]

JCK, I loved the feeling that came over me when I saw his birth certificate with my name and my husband's name on it! Mmmm.

 

I've loved reading these adoption stories.

 

We have 7 birth children, and 1 adopted son from Liberia. He came home to us at 7 years old. His mother is still living, and we sent her a letter and just a few months ago, got a package from her!!! (No postal service in Liberia, so things are sent in and out with people who are traveling from here to there and back again).

 

I've already posted the link to his adoption story from his point of view, so I won't revisit it.

 

He is such an integral part of our family...and really, so is his mother, tho we've never met and probably won't ever meet. I cannot imagine our lives without him. He's *so* much like my husband and like me in different ways, that it is odd that he is a different color and was born in a different country.

 

We are also the sad parents of a failed adoption. After 4 years of working very hard, we finally had to give the thing over. It was (and still is sometimes) heartbreaking.

 

We tell people we have experienced the absolute best and perfect side of adoption...and the most horrendous and heartbreaking side of adoption.