Stephanie Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Hi everbuddy! I've noticed lots and lots of references to adoption in different posts lately and being an adoptive mom myself this has peeked my curiosity! Soooo, I was just wondering if I could get a little head count of how many adoptive families we have here and share as much info as you feel comfortable sharing. How many children? What are their ages? Did you adopt across ethnic lines, adopt special needs, older children? Did you private adopt, did you foster, did you adopt domestic or international. I can't come up with much of a reason to tie this to preps, I just am interested to tell the truth. Link to comment
Dee Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 We went through Hillcrest Family Services in Dubuque, IA for both of our children. They were both white infants when they became ours. Our son was 15 days old, our daughter 1 month. We (well I ) would have loved more but we were one of the last groups to be able to receive a 2nd child because of the lack of babies. We might have adopted through a private agency but things, like our age, were against us. We decided we had 2 perfect children and would be content. We still continued with foster children and exchange students so almost always had 4-7 children in the house. Our children were told that adoption was forever but the foster children and exchange students would come and go as circumstances required. Before DH and I were married I made sure he wanted a family. In case we couldn't have biological children I needed to know he could accept adoption.....some can't you know! Getting married and having children was all I ever really wanted. I got both, a marvelous husband that I've been married to for 42 years this August and 2 children that are the best. Also foster children and exchange students that some are kept in touch with to this day. I'm still involved with children as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) volulnteer and I think I'm going back to preschool teaching this fall. Is that way more than you were asking for prayed2baMom? Link to comment
Ambergris Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I know a young woman, a girl really, who is not sure which of three or four young men fathered the baby she is carrying. Her life is terribly stressful right now, but she has decided a baby will make her life perfect. Does anyone have any suggestions? Link to comment
Dee Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I wish I had the answers Ambergris. I have a foster grandson, honor roll student, nicest kid you'll ever meet BUT he can't seem to keep his pants zipped. He has a son that will be 2 in Nov. and another child (different mother) that will be born in August. This 2nd baby is due just before grandsons 20th birthday. He is a good father to this baby and I'm sure it'll be the same with the new one BUT..... I wonder what girl in her right mind will someday want to marry this kid who is already helping raise and supporting 2 children. He was in college but of course has these children to support so is taking classes online. As a grandma the whole thing makes me so sad. IMHO, these children should be put up for adoption but please don't flame me for this, I'm old and that's what my generation did. The first mother was only 15 when this baby was born. The 2nd girl was in college along with grandson so is older but..... Sorry Ambergris to get so carried away, it's just that it's a subject so close to home here. Link to comment
Ambergris Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I suppose a miracle could happen. But there are such easy soluions to this--sign up with a placement agency, or look in the yellow pages under "adoption." To get a newborn, the right parents will pay rent, food, utilities, and tuition, will furnish transportation if needed. You can get any reasonable expense paid. And you can retain a right to keep tabs on the baby, even visit occasionally. Link to comment
Stephanie Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 Dee I loved reading your story! I'm a bit partial to adoption tales of course. It's so great that you are still involved in the foster system as an advocate. I also have fostered and still hear from many of my foster children. Many of them don't refer to me as their foster mom, but instead, their spiritual mom. I am always so touched when they say that. What an honor. I've never considered exchange students although I always admired those who did that. It must be a great experience all aound, those who host and the students as well. Link to comment
Stephanie Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 Ambergris, That sounds like an unhealthy situation for all involved. She's going to make her life so hard at an early age and then the child may not have the stability he needs either. Of course many single moms have kept their children and done a fine job at it. If she's even willing to consider Adoption, there are countless agencies to contact and just get info. One thing I would suggest is to tell her to just look into it, that she should know all of her options and make an informed decision. Dee, it's hard to see children we love making such life altering decisions. I saw my brother get entangled with an unsavory woman (now my sister in law) and his whole life came to a screedhing halt. He was faced with limitless possibilities, now he's working hard at a dead end job just to pay the bills. Just hurts your heart. Link to comment
JCK88 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Ours is an adoptive family. Our daughter is now 16. The birth mother changed her mind when our daughter was 2 months old. Our daughter has been with us since she was two days old. I was present at her birth. Long story...birth mother was unfit so the judge at the hearing which was supposed be finalizing our adoption instead gave us legal custody. (Birth mom was in jail) Fast forward 14 years--daughter acting out, making bad choice of friends, life miserable...until we find out daughter simply wants the adoption done so she doesn't feel like she's not really ours!! (SHe was testing whether we would throw her out if she was bad!!) So we track down the birth mom (she's in jail for the fourth time) and get papers signed and adoption completed..Jan 11, 2007. Great joy ensues...and daughter now model citizen, sweet, loving, kind, good grades, good worker...(but can't clean her room to save her life, haha) She is our joy... But because of the legal heartbreak and horror of the thing early on, my husband would not agree to adopt more kids as we had first planned. So I only have the one daughter.... Prayed2bamom...I also prayed to be a mom. I had given up. One day, I just told God that if there was a child He wanted me to raise, He was going to have to send it to me because I was sick of looking. I felt so much peace after that prayer...and in half an hour, the phone rang..."Do you still want an infant? DO you care what color the child is?" "Yes! No!"...and so I became and expectant mom...and was able to sew little clothes in advance for a few months before my daughter was born. So now I have this lovely, tall, African-American girl calling me "Mom" and I am always amazed at how fast the time has gone and what a lovely person she is becoming. I was blessed to be the one who named her. Her middle name is Elizabeth, which means "gift of God." Link to comment
JCK88 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Ambergris, a lot of teens think that having a baby will make their life perfect. I was waiting outside the school the other day for my daughter and saw a young mother come up with a baby in her pack. The girl was dressed gothic and had pink hair. Suddenly a crowd of girls surrounded her, oohing and ahhing, fussing over the baby. The young mom looked a little tired but seemed to blossom under the limelight her status as a mom gave her among her friends. Still, you could see how wistful she was, looking at the kids coming out of school, where she would have been had it not been for the baby... Your young friend needs to fully understand what she is getting into. She needs to hear from other young moms. She needs to know all the options. She cannot be told what to do--and each person must decide for herself whether to keep a baby or give it up, but each young mother should search her heart and do what is best for the baby. (and adoption is not ALWAYS the best thing for all concerned, but at least it often gives the child a better shot at being in a stable family) Link to comment
The MacKinnon Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 My twins (boy and girl, now 24) are adopted. Got them from the state when they were about 20 months old, developmentally delayed, not walking or talking, but they'd been with foster parents for about 4 months and were improving. They graduated from hs with honors and she's graduated from UT Austin (French/Linguistics) and he's about to (Fine Arts). I think adoption is harder for boys and I base that opinion on the experiences of my adopted cousin, several friends, and my son. Link to comment
ANewMe Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I am an adoptive parent. My husbands first wife became very ill with Cushion's Disease. They were young and had a 4 yr old. She immediatley researched her condition and there were some other medical issues that were going on. With the overabundance of negative info she found coupled with her medications she decided to end it on her own. It was a horrible situation. She had kept my husband in the dark and he had no idea how bad the situation was so he was shocked. She dropped son off at daycare and never came back. She was missing for 2 wks before they found her. I met my husband about 3 mo afterwards and at the time wanted NOTHING to do with him. I had enough baggage of my own with a recent divorce but I felt so badly for him and "his" son. I tried to help out...fell in love with that gorgeous little boy...and his dad and my friendship changed very quickly. Of course many rumors flew with us living in a small town and boy you could imagine the things that have been said to me....especially since his first wife and I had the same name. Chris immediately took to calling me Mom. I always left the door open to discuss her and to always make sure that he felt comfortable with having us both. I told him he had a Mom in Heaven and a Mom here on Earth. It was my job to do for him what his Mom in Heaven could not do. I adopted him when he was 7 for legal purposes but I didn't need papers to make him my son. We have now been a family for 12 years and we have grown to include two more children together and our families have blended....his, mine and hers. All of our children are blessed to have extra grandparents, aunts and uncles...much more love to go around. I still get the comments "Oh...he's your STEPson and the other two are yours right?" My response is the same...NO I have 2 sons and a daughter....our children. Link to comment
Aint2nuts Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I adopted two of my children after fostering them for two years. During that time, the kids had visitations with their birth mother. I wanted to reunite them with their birth mother. When parental rights were terminated, I kept an open door policy with the mother. We lost touch with her when she moved with no forwarding address of phone, and we moved soon after. I have looked for her to no avail. The kids were adopted as special needs kids. All my kids are the light of my life. My daughter was 4 almost 5 months old when I got her. My son was a week away from turning two. Both were drug exposed kids. Tya had epilepsy. My son has some anger issues at times. They are getting worse with puberty hitting. My daughter is a little slow in learning things. She is about 1-2 years behind in all subjects. She didn't talk at all until after she turned two. Link to comment
Stephanie Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 momnplanmode, I love the way you refuse to make a difference between the kids. All of mine are adopted so I don't face that particular question. One I do get a lot is, "Are they brothers and sisters?" Usually with the kids standing right there. I understand what the people are asking, are they related by birth/blood biological siblings? But, the children, are very confused by that question. I usually say, "Yes, they're all mine." and then add, "They're not related biologically." Which is what they really want to know. Angela, I've tried to keep tabs on birth families also, but also have faced struggles with that. I focus more on the sibling connections as all of my children have other birth siblings. JCK88, I'm sure getting things finalized for your daughter made her feel better. Even though she was already yours in your heart. Mtnmama, What a wonderful testimony to love and how lives can be turned around when it is liberally applied! That's six of us so far, I'm so excited. I know there are more too. Jennysmama who use to come here a lot and Fostermomma who is dealing with the flooding. Hope to discover even more adoptive families. It's a great way to grow a family! Link to comment
MamaTiger Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I have adopted. My first child was adopted at birth thru a private adoption. We were present in the hospital when he was born. And my heart simply melted at my first sight of him. However, he died at 14 months of age and we were devastated. That was 14 years ago and I still miss him so much. Since then we've had 4 birth children. And they know they had an older brother who died. We've sent out some feelers in the past couple years...we'd like to adopt again if the Lord wills. Link to comment
Stephanie Posted June 9, 2008 Author Share Posted June 9, 2008 Oh Mamatiger, I am so sorry for your loss, even so long ago. A mother's heart never forgets does it. Thinking of adopting again? How exciting!! Have you ever looked at this site... http://www.adoptuskids.org/ Just click on the "meet the children" button and you can do a search on all the children listed. I go there sometimes and just pray over them. My heart hurts for the "unclaimed children of America". Link to comment
ANewMe Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Mamatiger...sorry for what you went through. prayed2baMom...I hate it when people make the comments of "step" brother or "step" mom in front of my other two children. My 9 yr old did not know until the past 2 yrs the story on his brother. It's still hard to explain that "step" is just a title. It works well in some family and applies but in ours it does not. I'm so grateful for you guys....SMILE!!!! Link to comment
MomM Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 (((Mamatiger))) I am so sorry for your loss. You have a little angel watching over you. So thankful God blessed you with more precious children. Although our DC are biological, I have never felt comfortable when people ask about someone's "adopted children". I see no difference once a child comes into a family. I think that title is so out of line. God bless all our families. Link to comment
JCK88 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Hey everyone! I JUST TODAY got the official birth certificate with my daughter's finalized adoption name on it...and I AM LISTED AS THE MOM and my husband is LISTED AS HER DAD. Her last name is there in black and white all matching OURS. (only there was a mistake on it...they put my birth date wrong..so I have to send it back and get another one...geesh..still the part where my daughter's name matches ours is DA BEST thing I've seen all day) Link to comment
Jeepers Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 <-------- for the JCK88 family! It's been so heartwarming reading all of the adoption stories. Link to comment
MomM Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Congratulations! What a blessed day! Link to comment
Stephanie Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 What wonderful news!!! Link to comment
serendipity Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I'm so happy for you, Judy! And I am an adoptive mom as well. We have three bio kids and one daughter from China at the end. I love kids and wanted more untl my firstborn became a teenager and that pretty much did it for me, lol. I do love the four that I have though. Wish I could do more but I know my limits. Link to comment
Stephanie Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 That's great Serendipity...and two of mine are young teens, so I KNOW what you mean!!! Link to comment
Stephanie Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 We've been state licensed foster parents for over a dozen years. We've fostered 45 children during that time. I lost two children by miscarriage, looking forward to seeing them one day. We have seven children, 4 of which are adopted and 3 of whom we are in process of adopting. There are 5 boys (ages 13,12,8,4,4) and two girls (7,8). Three of my boys (12,8,4) came to us as young infants (2days,2weeks,2months). Our oldest son came to us at the age of 8 after spending most of his life in the foster care system. The two girls and our youngest boy are a sibling group who came to us last July (almost a year) at ages 6,7,4. All of our children are black (and beautiful). Adoption is my life passion/purpose. I hope to encourage others to grow their families this way and to claim as their own, the unclaimed children of America. It grieves my heart. I spend most of my days standing under the spout where the Glory comes out!!! Link to comment
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