Help! Dh's Snoring...

[serendipity]

Do any of you have any suggestions to help combat dh's snoring problem? It is getting to the point of separate bedrooms just so I can get some rest.

 

He never used to snore but as he has put on some weight over the years it has gotten pretty bad. He has lost some and each time it remedies the problem but then he regains it and it is just as bad as before, although it is getting worse all the time.

 

It is resoundingly LOUD.

 

Earplugs do not work.

 

He did go to a sleep apnea clinic and is fine, so that is not it.

 

Is there a surgery? Or does someone have a suggestion?

 

He uses the Breathe-Ease strips and these help marginally. I can tell a difference when he has one on, but he still keeps me awake anyway.

 

Sometimes he sleeps elsewhere if there are many bad nights in a row and I am exhausted. And I do sleep elsewhere too, but it is hard to get up and move in the middle of the night (hey, our house is COLD at night, lol).

 

I will start out the night sleeping in dd's room too, but that gets old, you know? I want *my* bed. And dh gets very offended, lol.

 

I would really love to hear if anyone else has any ideas. It is a sore spot with dh but I simply have to get some rest!

[serendipity]

Oh, and I don't know if this has any bearing or not, but he is 6'0" and slightly over 200 lbs. (don't know for sure how much over because that is also a sensitive subject, lol).

 

All I know is that when he is skinnier it is not an issue. But weight gain is something he really really struggles with.

[TheCG]

You can try rearranging his pillows - maybe if he is up at a bit more of an angle, he won't snore.

 

I used to pinch my little cousin's nose when she snored too much - she'd breathe through her mouth long enough to roll over then!

 

If the breathing strips help, you might check with your local ENT - they might have some suggestions.

 

If he has any problems with congestion or allergies, those may be contributing as well.

[Becca_Anne]

I'm so sorry you're not getting much sleep! My DH does have sleep apnea, and he now wears a CPAP machine. We were told that loud snoring almost always is related to sleep apnea. Glad youre DH doesn't have that issue, but it sounds like weight loss is your only real solution if those other things didn't work. Sleeping apart is no fun but you do need your rest! I'd just tell your DH it's nothing personal but if you can't get good rest you're going to get ill and then you both will be miserable

[serendipity]

Thanks CG and Becca Anne. I may just send him back to the sleep clinic, but he is pretty opposed to the CPAP machine. Sigh. He has heard from too many other guys who wear them and hate them. He has to get his sleep...his job is one that requires him to be very alert, so I hate to make him do anything that will not give him a good night's rest (or day, as it may be, since he works on call 24/7 and comes and goes at all hours).

 

And yes he does understand my pov, although it is a sensitive subject. I guess I could set up my own sleeping spot in the office, but it would probably just about kill him. I am getting pretty tired of being an itinerant sleeper, though, I need my own spot,wherever it is, to go to sleep at each night if possible.

 

 

 

[indy gal preps]

The snore sprays help-just spray before bed.

[Cat]

I tried the snore spray (I'm the bad snorer here ) and got *one heck* of an earache in only one day. I hadn't had one for years and years, and I felt it had to be that *for me*. But others like it.

 

If he doesn't *need* the Cpap machine, that's a good thing. It's for when the sleeper stops breathing for seconds at a time, resulting in added stress to the heart and sleep that brings no rest.

 

I hate to say it, 'cause I need to do it myself, but it's best to start a losing-weight strategy. If you do it "together", it shouldn't be as difficult.

 

 

[serendipity]

He has tried the snore spray too. It helps just a little.

 

And he won't let me diet with him cause then I get too skinny.

 

Jeepers. lol

 

 

He did just come up here and say he would try that mouth guard thing next. He feels badly about keeping me up all night. lol

 

Hopefully that will do the trick.

 

[Homemaker]

My husband and I have slept seperately for over a decade. If we didn't, one of us would be dead and the other in prison.

 

I have hopes that one day my husband will choose to make the necessary sacrifices in order to lose weight. He is an awesome man with great discipline in all areas of his life except his food addiction. It is the biggest stronghold in his life, and it does affect our relationship in many ways.

 

He had surgery a few years ago to fix the snoring problem, but it didn't work.

 

It is difficult to sleep alone. I would love to have him beside me when I wake up from a frightening dream.

It would also be nice to have a guest room!

[serendipity]

My husband and I have slept seperately for over a decade. If we didn't, one of us would be dead and the other in prison.

 

Yep, this pretty much sums up about where I am at.

 

Ack!

 

Thanks for posting this, Homemaker...you have to do what you have to do.

 

If the mouth guard doesn't work separate sleeping areas will be the next permanent step.

 

[GirlNextDoor]

If he does not have sleep apnea there is a surgery that can be done on an outpatient basis. It is called ablation. Basically the Dr. inserts a needle like device into his soft palate and hits him with either laser or microwaves into it to create scar striations. This makes the palate less pliable so it doesn't reverberate upon inhalations/exhalations. Sometimes it can be covered by insurance. He has to see an ear,nose, throat specialist or a maxilofacial specialist for it.

[Hippie Dad]

Interesting. I don't know anything about soft palates, but I know about snoring when a man is overweight, and I know about dieting. At six feet tall, your hubby must be way over 200 to be affected, a 200 pound six foot guy ought to be pretty trim...

 

I control my weight by simply writing everything down and adding up the calories, you don't even need a book for it any more, there are websites that have everything. I use Calorie King website. At 5' 8" I use 2000 calories a day (Ok I go over that a little), but a 6 foot guy could do 2300 or 2400 calories and still lose weight. The simplicity of eating 2300 calories a day is that you don't have to worry about fat grams or carbs or complicated formulas or menus. And you naturally find vegetables creeping into your diet, 'cause the low calorie veggies make room for important stuff like beer (In defense of beer drinkers, regular beer is only 150 calories for 12 oz, and light beer is around 100 calories-regular beer has less calories per ounce than 2% milk or orange juice)

 

If your hubby just writes down everything he eats during the day and looks it up at night on the web, he can add up his calories. There's almost no work involved, and you can eat anything you want, up to your daily calorie limit.

[Homemaker]

It makes sense Hippi Dad,

 

Unfortunately, when you have a food addiction, there is no sense to your eating. There is no such thing as the word full.

 

You run to food to comfort and calm yourself. While food's comforting arms are wrapped around you, it's stabbing you in the back. You see the weight piling on and feel the tightness of your waistband. Your loved ones are concerned about you as you once again shop for larger clothes. Your closet is overflowing with things you'll fit into someday when you get control of the situation. Your wife voices her concern about how your size is affecting the love relationshiop.

 

As time goes on you accept the fact that you are a loser. You will never be thin. Why try. So who will always be there to accept you unconditionally?

 

Wendy, Ronald McDonald, Sarah Lee, Carl Jr., and on and on the list of secuctive lovers goes. They call to you over the television. They flash their colorful signs at you along the street as you drive home. When you get home your wife grills you about what you ate that day.

 

This is why just counting calories doesn't work for a lot of people.

 

The weight gain and the snoring are just the side effects of a deeper heart issue.

 

[serendipity]

Hubby isn't way overweight.

 

Last time he told me his weight (after he had lost some and was down around 195 or 190), he said it had been up to as much as 212, I think.

 

I know he isn't over that anyway.

 

And trust me, he hates limitations like having to monitor his eating. He doesn't eat massive amounts but he does eat often and does not exercise enough.

 

It does not help matters that I am naturally thin/average, with a high metabolism. However I am also extremely active and work very hard physically from April through late November, working the fields and gardens mostly by hand or with machinery you have to wrestle with to get it to do what you want. I also think chopping wood is fun! lol So I am sure all that helps.

 

But yes Homemaker is correct; it is actually a self control issue and food is comforting to him.

 

So no, he isn't huge but could lose a good 20 for sure. I guess it is enough to make him snore like a freight train at any rate.

 

His brothers and father all have the same problem as well. It is unbelievable. My dear MIL has spent many years sleeping on the couch, often transferring in the middle of the night.

 

I always observed this in awe, and thought she was crazy. Go get your own room, for heaven's sake! lol If it is that bad, do something to make life bearable for yourself. I always told myself I would never do that.

 

And now here we are after many years of marriage and dh has the same problem. And I am sorry he gets offended, but I refuse to lose any more sleep because of his life choices. (This has been a pretty big problem for around five years now, with the last few being horrible).

 

So either he fixes it now or I am going to have to make my own sleeping space. Period.

 

I am just no good without my rest and put my time in for many years getting up with kids by myself.

 

Thank you all for your input. We will see what we can do. I feel kind of bad for dh but it is what it is.

 

I will keep you all updated in case it helps anyone else.

 

[Homemaker]

Don't feel bad about having to sleep seperate.

 

It's actually more common than you think. When I've mentioned it to others, they usually say that they or someone they know does that too.

 

Think of the royalty of days past. They often had seperate sleeping quarters. Just think of it as the king's chambers and the queen's chambers. I personally believe the queen should get the chamber with the attached bathroom and that the king should tuck in his queen everynight when she is ready to retire. My king does!

[serendipity]

lol Homemaker...this kind of fits right in there with my whole Princess Complex...

 

 

I like it!

[Leah]

Um... Hippiedad is my hubby... Sorry to tell on you, honey.... but -

 

Eventually I got tired of putting up with it, or sleeping out on the couch, and kicked him out of bed to sleep out in the living room!

 

It only took him losing about 20 pounds to quit snoring.

 

...ducking now... giggle...

[serendipity]

lol Leah...oh you are so bad....

 

 

You are going to be in sooo much trouble now....

 

[Sparrow]

Hello, I'm new to posting but this seemed to be as good a place as any to jump in, since it is a subject that (unfortunatly) is near and dear to my heart, or maybe I should say ears. The only thing I have found that works for us 100% of the time is for me to sleep without socks on, my feet get very cold. He snores, I apply feet, he jumps and snorts, and I get at least 30 minutes of peace.

 

But seriously, I have set up one of those table top fountains next to the bed and the improved moisture in the air seems to be helping. I also want to try putting eucalyptus and christmas cactus plants in the bedroom. The eucalyptus is supposed to help open the airways and christmas cactus is supposed to put off oxygen during the night. I have not tried them yet though so I can't say if it will work or not. They are on my list to buy next time the budget allows. I have also noticed that he only snores when he sleeps on his back or on his right side so I try to keep him rolled to the left as much as possible. It took me a long time, and a lot of sleepless nights to come to that conclusion though.

 

Hope you get some relief soon!

[Girl Next Door]

I read where one lady sewed a shirt pocket onto the back f her husband's pajamas and put a tennis ball in it so when he rolled onto his back he would automatically roll over.

[Simplegirl]

My DH and I have slept apart for a couple of years. He is not thrilled about it at all but you know, I work just like he does and I absolutely could not get any sleep.

 

He is not willing to lose weight or try anything to stop snoring, so I had no choice. I pretty much do everything else around my place as well as work a job and I decided I was not going to sacrifice getting my sleep.

 

I visit occasionally..... he has the bed to himself..... he has to deal with it.

[serendipity]

I feel kind of bad for all of you going through this too.

 

I did tell dh last night we had to do ~something~ and that until it was resolved, he had to sleep elsewhere. I felt pretty bad about it but was strong (you all here have taught me to stand my ground).

 

It didn't go over so well, to say the least. (He said I was "mean").

 

 

BUT I can report that I did get a wonderful night's rest AT LAST, (Thank you , God!) and what do you know...he ordered a sleep splint for his mouth! Lickety split. (He told me that was my job...no, I don't think so...your problem...YOU solve it. I am done with it.).

 

So perhaps putting my foot down will be the motivation he needs.

 

All I know is that this has dragged on forever and I don't think he ever really intended to do anything serious about it until I made him.

 

Sometimes you just have to be the bad guy (or woman, as it may be).

 

Thanks for all the input..we are working on solutions. And (((hugs))) to all of you other women dealing with the same issue. It really is a tough one.

 

ETA: Please don't think hubby is a bad guy...he is WONDERFUL. It is just hard for him because of the weight thing. He really is a very nice man!

[Simplegirl]

I completely understand about your DH. He sounds very much like mine. Sorry he told you that you were mean but he was not realizing that by not taking care of the problem, he was being quite selfish.

 

Glad you got some sleep. It makes a world of difference.

[Crazy4Canning]

This is also an issue with us. DH had me buy breathe-right strips. They seem to work. If I'm congested at all, they don't work. I can't use them every night because the adhesive makes me break out. Many doctors have suggested I need to sleep with a humidifier on for at least a few hours. This does help. DH can't stand it because he says it turns the room into a tropical villa, so muggy that he can't sleep. He also says that I get surly when he tells me to turn over.

 

Of course you see, he doesn't snore. WRONG! He can snore like a freight train. The breathe-right strips DO help, sometimes. So, since we can't get to the fold-away futon in the basement right now (remodeling), I've placed a sheet and blanket on the sofa. If either one of us feel the need to move, it's there. I personally go to bed a few hours earlier than he does and am in REM when he comes to bed...no wonder I am surly.

 

It is a big issue. My snoring is exaserbated by allergies and his - I'm not sure what causes his. We're trying to work it out too...

[Cat]

Snoring runs in my family, so I guess I wasn't surprised when DH said I did it, too. And of course I should lose weight.

 

I find that if I go to bed when DH does, he will have to deal with my snoring and it wakes him. If I wait until he's been asleep for a couple of hours, he isn't bothered by it when I do come to bed.

 

For some reason, he hasn't figured that out. So I am constantly badgered about why I "can't sleep" and what's wrong with me, to the point that his folks gave him some Melatonin for me to try (he mentioned it to them ). I've tried explaining, but it doesn't sink in. He wants me *there*, but then it bothers his sleep, and he's the working half of us.

 

Each couple has to figure out their own "best way" to deal with these kinds of differences.

 

And bravo for requesting the snorer take charge of his/her own medical problem!!