Worn down, sick kids...stick a fork in me, I'm done.

[bluegrassmom]

I am so tired. Exhausted. I have one child who has a long term illness and so often our life feels like one doctor appointment after another...like a merry go round that doesn't stop. I concentrate on the day at hand and the details thereof and don't let myself get too closely acquainted with the fact that her life is, most likely, permanently altered. It's too much. But I do a pretty good job of holding it all together.

 

But last night, my other child hurt himself. He's my healthy-as-a-horse child. We were at church and he fell onto a concrete floor and from another room I heard him screaming. Blood curdleing screams. This is a big almost 13 year old boy so if he's screaming there a reason. I ran following the noise of his screams and found him in the floor, some other parents already around him. He landed directly onto his tailbone on that concrete. Thank the Lord he didn't hit his head!!! That floor would have busted it wide open. Luckily, there was a nurse there in attendance at our activity. She helped us and we held an ice pack to the area and calmed him down. It was 20 minutes before he could sit up. He's moving this morning but very, very sore. I'm sure he will be for a while.

 

I was already exhausted before this event, but do you have any idea how hearing your child scream in pain at the top of their lungs drains you of every ounce of energy you have left? I think I was shaking for a good 30 minutes. I know it sounds strange, but having my healthy child get hurt seems like it has landed all the stress and worry and tiredness that I usually keep at bay about my other child squarely on my head. I'm sore all over and worn out.

 

But I'll be ok. I'll take care of these two kiddos and hopefully my son won't suffer any long term effects from this fall. He's my right hand man as far as the chores for the dogs and the chickens and the rabbits, so I can't really slow down because I've got to do it all while he's recovering. Just wanted to whine a little bit...

[Cat]

Awww, Sweetie...

 

I wish I could just come and hand you a plate of brownies & cheesecake and a cup of tea.

 

I'm not a nurse, so I don't know how much damage *might* have been done, and if he should see a doctor. Hopefully he'll just be sore and recover well.

 

I'm sorry for the long-term daily worries, the sudden fears, and the ongoing, backbreaking work. I'm sorry the fear shook you to the core, but such is a mother's love. It ties us, binds us all together as one, because every mother who loves her children *knows it*.

 

Come and whine, stomp your feet, and cry any time you like. You can get it all out here and then go face the world again.

 

May your work be lighter than you hoped, and your fears be comforted with a gentle peace.

 

((((((((((((((bluegrassmom)))))))))))))

[Deerslayer]

so sorry hon-- i am a firm believer in the fact that we all live with a certain amount of stress--and anything added to that--can send you off the edge-- i sure3 wish i was close to give you a day off for you--a nice day out can be a life saver--do you have someone around that can give you a day off? i sure hope so-- hugs

[ANewMe]

(((Bluegrass)))...I ditto everything above...especially what deer said about seeing if there is anyone around you who can help. Maybe even just long enough for you to get a good nap. Things are always alot better with a rested mind. I do so wish a lot of us lived close to each other so we could pitch in when needed.

 

Sending lots and lots of hugs your way and hoping your DS starts to feel better soon.

 

 

[MomM]

(((((bluegrass)))))

[Ambergris]

I have a broken-off tailbone that every once in a while decides to break off again, so I know exactly what he's going through.

[bluegrassmom]

Thanks for all the encouragement ladies. I really appreciate it - sometimes we all need to hear those types of things. I got all the animal chores done this morning, made a nice breakfast, did a few more chores and then we able to go back to bed and take a long 3 1/2 hour nap. It helped some. I hadn't even thought about taking some time "off." Maybe this week I can squeeze in some time to just go out and roam a bit. It's been a while since I've done that.

[Annarchy]

((((bluegrassmom )))))

 

Awww, don't worry too much. I remember when my own mom relied on me so much. I slipped on the top stair and slid down 13 steps landing on the cement footing. My poor mother, working 16 hours a day to provide for 4 boys and 2 girls, she panicked hearing my cry of excruciating pain. My oh my it hurt. Took a couple of weeks before I could really move around sorta normal. Let alone sit in a chair. Wow!

 

But, ya know what? I knew my mom relied on me and decided that I was still gonna help her as much as I was able. She chuckles now days when she remembers how I broke it. Even tho she had all those instant fears at the time, God continued to bless her and give her memories she can fondly remember.

[TurtleMama]

((((((Bluegrass)))))

 

Those precious children are tied right to your heart and soul, and when they are in pain or sick, it hurts you almost as much...I'm so glad that in the end your son was all right; here's hoping he just bruised his tailbone and that he didn't break it!!!

 

It must be one of the hardest things ever to deal with your child having a chronic illness. I cannot imagine what you must go through on a daily basis. It is amazing how mothers can give so much of themselves, down to the last bit of love, effot, and energy, to their children, especially when they are sick or hurting; it can be so hard to remember that you do need to save at least a little bit for yourself. Go roaming, if you can; it can be so healing and restorative to have those quiet moments to yourself. Just a small amount of time "away" can go a long way towards refueling you for the next motherly trauma!!

 

I'm so glad that you know this is a place you can safely vent. I never fail to be impressed by how many wonderful listeners there are around here!

[bluegrassmom]

Yes, I wanted to come somewhere where people would understand and not think I was whining. I knew this would be the place. Soft place to fall. :-)

[Darlene]

Soft place to fall. :-)

 

For some reason, the way you said that just touched my heart.

 

What a beautiful way to express it.

[bluegrassmom]

Yes. It's how I feel and exactly what I needed the other day. Luckily, my son is up and moving now and it doesn't seem like there is going to be any long term problems from that fall. The next few days after it he was hurting and couldn't move around much, but now (thank goodness) he's fine. Twelve year old boys bounce back quick, lol.

[S.K.]

So glad to hear things are getting better when everything falls apart moms are the last ones to recover