Cat Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 OK, now that I've scared the guys away from this thread... ~~~~~ A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull dog on a leash. Behind were 200 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Can I borrow the dog?" "Get in line." ~~~~~ ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !! 1.. You walka pasta da bakery. 2.. You walka pasta da candy store. 3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop. 4... You walka pasta da table and fridge. You will lose weight! ~~~~~ The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." (Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. ) ~~~~~ The Joy of Marriage When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis. ~~~~~ A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5". She then takes her blood pressure, and tells the woman it is very high. "Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!" ~~~~~ Quote Link to comment
Amishway Homesteaders Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 well heard most of these but. . . Ha, Ha anyway and yes we came to see what was here. Quote Link to comment
HSmom Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 The Joy of Marriage When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis. Quote Link to comment
UKGuy Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 "FEMININE PROTECTION" ....and I came in here expecting to see pics of a 45 automatic stuffed into a stocking top Quote Link to comment
zzelle Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 very cute i needed that Quote Link to comment
Jewlzm Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Originally Posted By: UKGuy "FEMININE PROTECTION" ....and I came in here expecting to see pics of a 45 automatic stuffed into a stocking top I was thinking I would find a pink pistol or something. Quote Link to comment
ArmyOfFive4God Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 http://www.jimsgunsupply.com/DuraCoat/dc/P...v._DuraCoat.jpg Quote Link to comment
HSmom Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Oh that's just wrong!!! Quote Link to comment
Jewlzm Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 LOL Well atleast I dont seem all that strange now Thanks Ao5!! Quote Link to comment
Vic303 Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Originally Posted By: UKGuy "FEMININE PROTECTION" ....and I came in here expecting to see pics of a 45 automatic stuffed into a stocking top It's not a stocking top, but it is a .45! Quote Link to comment
UKGuy Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 My cannons bigger than your cannon 453-AirGunTN.JPG Quote Link to comment
Amishway Homesteaders Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 WAIT! :peep: OK have at it! Quote Link to comment
HSmom Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Leah, you take the cake! I'm so glad you've joined us! Quote Link to comment
Spider Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Thanks for the laugh... the people in the airport think I'm nuts, but oh well... Quote Link to comment
Amishway Homesteaders Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 missed ! :peep: Quote Link to comment
Jewlzm Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Neener Neener Neener even! Quote Link to comment
Leah Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 Guess he's down for the count!! Quote Link to comment
Jewlzm Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 OH! Ya got me in da gizzard! (melodramatic moment) Quote Link to comment
UKGuy Posted May 28, 2007 Share Posted May 28, 2007 Originally Posted By: Leah Guess he's down for the count!! Missed me (I was on vacation) - take this Quote Link to comment
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