new mother needs mom's help

[pegsol]

My sweet daughter just had a baby girl! I went to her apt. to help her and the baby yesterday. Yikes! She only had two beat up pans to cook in. I found this out when I needed to sterilize some breast pump equipement. I had my husband stop and buy her a set of pans for an early birthday present. The cupboard is almost bare, they almost always eat out. There was a box of frozen pre- made taquito things in the freezer, which was dinner eaten on the coffee table.The whole place needs a good cleaning, she has always just had mounds and mounds of dirty clothes piles. Frankly I am overwhelmed with the task of trying to catch her up on the domestic arts. She is willing to learn at this point cause the baby has of course changed everything. She is mostly fond of restaurant type food of the fast food variety. She does have a crockpot that she used once to make cheese dip. She has a fix it and forget about it cookbook that her best friends mom (god bless her) gave her as a present along with the crockpot. She cannot cook. I was thinking I could use my vacuum sealer machine to freeze little meals for them that we cook together, cause she has to learn to cook. I cannot be there all the time as I have a three year old of my own and she lives a bit of a drive away. We have to come up with some kind of routines for cooking and cleaning and my visits. It's a bit overwhelming really. I am very happy with her and the new baby and happy to help in every way I can. She is learning to breast feed and hurting a bit and not getting a lot of sleep. We need some wisdom and advice. I am a bit tired myself from the hours at the hospital etc. Appreciate any ideas you may have.

[MomM]

First, Congratulations on the precious new granddaughter! If it is at all possible, try and help her, for a week after, she gets home from the hospital, so she can get back on her feet and get the breastfeeding established. I did that for our 3 DD's and it helped them a lot. I think for the first few weeks try and help her think very easy meal preps, eg. cereal for breakfast, soup and sandwiches for lunch, and easy dinners (spaghetti (with canned sauce till she can learn how to make homemade sauce), easy casseroles that she can assemble in a few steps while baby is asleep, eg. porkchops with cream of chicken soup and served over pasta, or take frozen breaded chicken patties, microwave them for half the alloted time, turn them over, top with a slice of cheese, eg provolone or muenster, and some spaghettic sauce and microwave for the remaining time, and make baked potatoes in the microwave and add a vegetable or salad - should tell you to do the baked potatos first then the chicken.Once she eases into meal preparation and is feeling good, then she can start learning how to cook. Know the other ladies here will have great ideas for you. Take care and enjoy the new family.

[HipppieChick217]

First of all congratulations on the new granddaughter.

 

If your daughter can read follow directions then she can cook. Go buy small notebook and put simple recipes in in to start with. Nothing fancy, just simple food. Trust me that is the best place to start. I can cook , my mother taught me when I was young but it was not till I had kids of my own that I got to be any good at it. (Being married to a professional chef has helped a lot)(LOL)

 

Also I advise setting down with your daughter and making a schedule of what needs to be done on what day. She may not get it done on the day scheduled (it is tough to get things done, sometimes,when you have a baby) But at least she will have an idea of what needs to be done.

 

Well good luck and hope this helps

[preparing]

Will she be working and having a babysitter or will be staying home and taking care of the baby? Is there anyway she can move closer to you? I have a friend and her son got married to a girl who could not boil water. She had twins! It really was unreal. It took almost a year before she really settled down to the idea that she had to cook and clean. She was very young and just overwhelmed. If it had not been for her mother-in-law I am not sure what would have happened. One night she called me crying and asked if I would help her take the twins to the emergency room. They both had ear infections and I held one and she held the other. Runny noses and tears, and the mother looked like she needed her mother. I think the best idea is getting a routine of sleep and the baby on a schedule. If she is home while the baby is sleeping then she could have set days for cleaning and laundry.

[Darlene]

peg, congratulations on your new grandchild!

 

First and foremost, you need to help your daughter get organized and get the baby on a schedule, which can be alot of work at the beginning. I don't know how old the baby is, but obviously still a newborn, so that is always a chaotic time. Getting the baby on a schedule will help figure out what times will be free to organize the rest of the responsibilities of being a new mom.

 

I don't think that right now is the right time to do cooking lessons, other than some basics. I think that preparing meals that will be easy for her to heat up would be the best idea. Vacuum sealing is an awesome way to do portions...they can be stuck in a pot of boiling water or in the microwave to heat up.

 

If she's old enough to have a child, then she's old enough to learn how to organize her home. That's where mama (you) come in...to teach her the ropes and to share the wisdom you've learned over the years.

 

Get a piece of paper and lay out a general guideline to help organize her day. Once she does it for a couple of days, her level of frustration, helplessness and feeling overwhelmed will turn into feeling more in control, and less stress.

 

I cooked many a dinner with a newborn in my left arm nursing while I stirred and cooked with my right hand. My baby just went from being attached inside my tummy to being attached to my arms and while alot of work, I just compensated and slowly got the things done around the house. Once she's feeling stronger (nursing really wears the mama out), things will fall into place, but she definitely needs guidance.

 

Teaching her how to do simple things like scrambled eggs and toast, cooking more at lunch and dinner so that she will have leftovers will help. I don't know if you do any home canning, but there are lots of things that can be made homemade and then preserved in that manner, that require only popping the lid and heating up. Grilled chicken or fried chicken can be used in salads for healthy eating for the next meal. Italian dishes freeze awesome, homemade taco meat froze into serving size pieces is much healthier than that store bought garbage.

 

Cooking, when one doesn't know how to do it, feels like an impossible feat. Taking the time to teach her the basics and the fun with creating meals will hopefully help her get over that overwhelming obstacle.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[Grace&Violets]

Congratulations on the new grandbaby!

 

These ladies have given some great advice. I just wanted to add one thing. With my last baby, he was a bit clingy. He would not sleep if I wasn't holding him. I tried and tried to let him cry it out, but I don't think that a newborn should have to cry it out, so I would hold him. Let me tell you how hard it is to go to the bathroom while holding a sleeping baby! Then I read about a pouch sling called a Peanut Shell. I found it online and bought one right away. It was wonderful! My baby slept in that while I could do just about anything. It was the only way that I could nurse, cook and take care of my 2 & 3 year olds at the same time. http://www.goo-ga.com/ It made my life so much easier. I think there are also patterns you can find online to make your own sling or pouch.

 

Oh, I wanted to add that I had the micro-fleece peanut shell and it was really stretchy, so if you get one, buy one size down and trust me, it will stretch. Also, DS uses it as a blankie, now that he is 17 months old.

[Lilly]

Congrats on the new Grandbaby. She is blessed to have such a good Mama to help her out. I made a list of chores that has to be done every week in order for the house to be kept clean. When we do a chore we mark it off. I tried having one laundry day but that did not work to well for us, so I do a couple of loads a week. Tell her to sleep when the baby sleeps. Keep taking vitamins, ans eat more because she is breast feeding. As far as cooking goes, that will take time. Like the others said start with simple stuff and she can go from there.

[Becca_Anne]

Congratulations on the new grandbaby Does your DD have a computer? If so www.flylady.net will teach her how to establish daily self-care and housekeeping routines using babysteps so she can learn how to manage life with her new family. There is also a website called www.savingdinner.com that has menus with shopping lists that can be a big help for a mom with little experience cooking and menu planning. It is really inexpensive, simple to make, tasty, and healhty.

 

I agree that the first 6 weeks she needs mostly to be figuring out the new nursing mom thing and getting rest. Easy premade meals or freezer cooking that can be defrosted in those first few weeks will reduce stress. Then once the initial newness wears off come by once a week or so and teach her a new dish or two. She can take a 3 ring binder and add the recepies as she learns to cook.

[westbrook]

Jumping Up and Down... FlyLady!!!! FlyLady!!!!

 

get her a timer... 15 minutes... it works.

 

as to the cooking...

 

Darlene.. can you help with ideas for meals in vacuumed packs, frozen then to be boiled or M/W later?

 

huh? can ya? can ya? (looking for all Dar's delicious recipes.. na ha ha!)

[Cat]

All I can think is...

 

 

If *MY* MIL or Mother had tried to come in and teach me ANYTHING other than basic baby care while all those pregnancy hormones were still kicked in, it wouldn't have been "pretty".

 

 

My own dear mother kindly WAXED all of my hardwood floors while waiting for my return home from the hospital. Then when we did come home, *I* had to get up and get supper, do laundry, etc. because she was cuddling with the baby. After a couple days of that, DEAR Hubby took a couple of days off work to help, and we never asked her with the next two. ( Maybe that was her plan??)

 

 

 

My opinion? Give her some time, and just help (REALLY help) where you can, and leave the rest for a gradual learning. Until she sees the benefits of an organized house, it won't happen, anyway.

 

 

**...Trying to ignore the mess behind me...**

 

 

[goatherder]

My DGS is also a high maintenance baby. He wants to be held and sleeps in his parents' bed. The sling was a lifesaver for DD. I live about a third of a mile from her and I am over quite a bit. When she was in the hospital (c-section) I alternated with her DH staying with her. When she came home, the laundry and cleaning were done. I make sure that she has a break when she needs it and when I'm over at her house if anything needs to be done, I just do it (laundry, fold diapers, vacuum, dishes, etc.). Sometimes she would rather I would play with the baby and let her do things. Now that he's big enough to sit in his exersaucer or walker, he is much easier to deal with when we are trying to do chores. We also go shopping together so that she can just shop and not have to wrangle a baby!

[mommato3boys]

Congrats on the new grandbaby!

 

You have been given some wonderful ideas. The only thing I can think of is cooking bits and pieces of meals. Like ground beef, brown the ground beef and season it. Cook some with onions. Freeze in zip lock bags. That way if she wants to do spaghetti one night all she has to do is throw together the sauce and cook the noodles. Chicken can be done the same way.

 

Quick easy meals with pre-cooked meat

 

Shepherd Pie

 

ground beef, green beans, cream of mushroom soup toped with mashed pototes and cheese. Heat until bubbly and cheese is melted.

 

Chicken Quesdillas

flour tortillas topped with shredded chicken, green chiles, onions and cheese topped with second tortilla. Bake (or m/w) until cheese is melted.

 

Chicken and Rice

cook rice stir in cream of mushroom soup and chicken serve with salad

 

Beef noodle

ground beef, garlic, onion, Italian seasoning (1 teaspoon) mixed with cooked egg noodles topped with cheese. Cook until cheese is melted. *** OOPS forgot the 15 oz can of crushed tomatoes.

 

Homemade pitas pizzas

Left over spaghetti, pita pockets cheese and veggies

 

There are more but that is all I can think of right now. Sorry its early and I haven't had my wake up shower.

 

 

OH tacos and taco salad, burritos. Okay now that is all I can think of

 

Edited to add can of tomatoes on recipe.

[pegsol]

You gals are so great, I knew you would come through with some wonderful ideas. Thanks a million. Mama and baby are doing well. I'll let you know how it all works out.

[MommyofSeven]

I third the sling suggestion, a sling has been invaluable to me with all of my kids. They all outgrew it at different times, and for some was amazingly short, but it really really helped. I agree with Cat about teaching her stuff, not only cause of the hormones but because with nursing, she's seriously sleep deprived. Sure, you can doze off while nursing, but you're never deeply asleep with that baby in y our arms. At some point in the next few weeks she will be essentially a zombie, LOL, from lack of sleep and anything you try to teach her will fly out the window. Do FOR her now, and teach gradually as her sleep level, the baby's age, and your patience level allows.

 

Congrats! Glad to hear they are doing well!

 

Mo7