Ok, now I will give you a dose of reality.
He is NOT going to change. I am never an advocate of a wife leaving or a divorce but.... I have lived this nightmare. It was a very tough situation as yours is. He was manipulative, dishonest, and had plain disregard for me and my children. I did not work, and he made the money. This is a form of abuse. It took me a long time to save the money and be able to leave him. Anything I faced after leaving him was better than what I faced being with him. It made me a better human being. It WAS the best thing I ever did, and I am proud of it today. Did I love him---yes, more than anything.
25 years later--- I have a good life, and he is an alcoholic and his children do not have contact with him. Your children WILL remember their upbringing, and they WILL remember his actions and how he treated you in regard to the finances. I wish you the best of luck with this---since you will have to be the one to change this---he is unable to. - Cheryl