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(Note on 12/19/07...during the upgrading of this message board a while back, it erased my name off of all my posts. I'm just going to preclude this story now that this was first of all, a TRUE story, written by me, Darlene)



I've been of most recent, talking alot about the difference between the net and real life. I've talked about how intense we get about shallow net stuff, when real life is so much important.


Today was the final act in a week long hostage situation that I've been dealing with in my home. It's been kinda scary, but has ticked me off more than anything, so I thought I'd share my personal real life experience over this past week.


My home sits right on a park here in Miami. It's a one way street, with no houses in front of it, just a beautiful expanse of park and trees, and a canal that runs through it, and...




About a week or so ago, I was getting ready to pick up children from school. I walked out on my back patio for some reason, only to find this most disturbing sight. A duck had somehow gotten onto my patio and was chasing my chinese pug around the table out there, snapping at my dog. I, being level headed, ran back into the house to grab a broom. Upon returning to the back patio with said broom, duck and dog were found to be missing. The first thought that crossed my mind was that the duck had eaten my pug during my short absence, so I looked in my pool to see of the duck was anywhere near, paddling around in the water, and there was nothing. I figured that probably the dog had run back out the door and was frantically trying to stay alive in the front yard as the duck pursued her, so I ran out there to find nothing. All of a sudden I realized I had left my bedroom french doors open and got a sinking feeling in my stomach. I ran back to the patio, towards my bedroom only to find a duck standing by my bed. I was in total shock and my cleaning lady grabbed the broom, and started to beat the duck out of the house. Feathers were flying everywhere and I watched her as she beat the duck out the back door. The duck stood their staring at me indignantly, but I was already ticked that this duck had been in my bedroom.


I sloughed it off, went and picked up my children and came home. Later that day, my daughter and I had the pug and my new 1.13lb baby teacup yorkie on the side of the house playing. Out of the blue there appeared this duck again, and it started to go after the pug. I ran to the garage, grabbed whatever I could lay my hands on first, which was a fishing pole, and started to beat this duck who looked at me like it wasn't even fazing it. All of a sudden, the duck spied my little baby and started towards it and the mama in me came out and I grabbed the puppy, ran back to the patio, put her on the floor and went back to watch this duck...it stood their defiantly, swishing it's tail back and forth, raising and lowering it's head. I looked back at my puppy who was backed into the corner shaking so bad she couldn't walk, and I got ticked. I said that's it, I'm gonna shoot this duck.


Now, you hafta realize...I'm an NRA instructor and have alot of varying types of firearms. What I wanted to get out was an SKS but sanity somehow entered my brain and reminded me that I lived in a residential neighborhood, and if that I took out a real gun to shoot this duck, I'd be in jail, and then y'all wouldn't have the pleasure of reading all the things I write in this forum...lol I settled on my Red Ryder BB gun and went *duck hunting*. The only problem was that the boys had shot all the bb's. I had tons of ammo for many different kinds of firearms, but was fresh out of bb's. Somewhere, my son found 2 bb pellets and asked to do the honors. I said ok, so we went to the side of the house, he aimed and fired, and the duck was still standing. I was frantically looking for more bb's when my dad stopped by...being the daddy's girl I still am, I went flying into his arms practically in tears as I shared this horrible chain of events. He gave me that confident daddy look, turn around and I thought YESSSSSSSSSSS! Daddy will take care of it.


His weapon of choice happened to be a broom *rolling eyes* and as he shoo'd the duck back into the park, I stood their with dread knowing this war was not over.


I woke up the next morning and looked around for the duck but it was no where to be seen. As the days went buy, I'd keep a watchful eye out, but still no duck. I started to relax and go on with life until this morning.


When I was walking across the patio, I heard a strange noise. I looked over and all of a sudden there stood the duck again. I was like oh geeeeeeeeeeez, I don't wanna deal with this today.


All the children had been quite disturbed when they would hear me talk about shooting the duck so my conscience was pricked. I decided to give it one more try...in an attempt to live in harmony with one of our earthly creatures. I figured if I left it alone, it would leave me alone and perhaps some day it would move on with life.




I had been cooking all day, and needed some fresh herbs from my garden. I grabbed a pair of scissors, walked out back and started cutting fresh basil. All of a sudden the duck come charging across the garden at me and I took off running back to the patio where I slammed the door shut. Now I was really ticked and I started stomping around the house, telling the cleaning ladies that I was going to shoot a duck and CL#2 asked what was wrong. I explained to her the terror this duck was wreaking on the dogs and children, and next thing I knew, she walked over to the duck, picked it up, and started heading back to the park. I stood there in utter disbelief that she had picked up that ugly thing and told her she was nuts. A short time later, she came back into the house to inform me that she had successfully deposited the duck back at the canal, but that the bad news was that the duck was on it's way back to my house.


At this point, still fearful of upsetting the children by shooting the duck, and concerned about getting arrested for unlawful use of a firearm, I called my local government's Animal Protective department. I explained my delimma, to which the girl replied, "We don't handle ducks, you need to call someone else". I was started to get a little upset with this whole situation and told her that if someone didn't come get this duck that I was gonna shoot it myself. She promptly put me on hold and transferred me to another department. They fortunately did handle ducks, but I was told that Tony would have to call me back. My parting comment was "whatever, I'll shoot the duck myself", and hung up the phone.


By now, I had to go pick up children from school, so I put the duck on hold, grabbed my keys and went out my front door to get into my car. I was already running a little late so I was in a hurry, but wouldn't you know it, the duck was standing sentry in front of the driver's door. I ran around the back of the car, hopped into the passenger's seat, closed the door and crawled over to the driver's seat. I started the car and I hafta be totally honest here...as I drove away, I was hoping that I accidently would run over this stupid duck.


I picked up the children, came back home, turned the car off and heard the girls starting to scream. I opened up the car door and there stood the duck again. The girls made a beeline for the front door and I decided to follow suit. Right before I made it to the front door, the duck cornered me, and I took off running. As I went to jump over some bushes, my foot hit one of those decorative rock boulders I have in my landscaping and I went flying and rolling into the grass. I looked behind me and the duck was making a beeline towards me and appeared very pissed. All I could think was this duck is gonna hurt me and before I could get back up, it was attacking me...I was screaming when CL #1 came to my rescue. Unfortunately, she was afraid of the duck too, so wasn't much help. I kept trying to scramble away, but the duck was in hot pursuit. Finally, CL #2 came to my rescue, picked up the stupid duck again and I burst into tears...lol


She started to head for the park again and I said nooooooooooooooooooooooooo...the duck will come back if you do that. She then consulted with CL#3 in spanish and I was too upset to try to hear what they said and the next thing I knew, they took a pillowcase, threw said duck inside, and into their truck. They informed me as I stood there sobbing that they were gonna take the duck far, far away and that I would never be terriorized again.


I walked into the house, tended my cuts and realized where I had made my first mistake.


I shoulda shot the duck to begin with, a week ago.




I'm serious, this is a TRUE story. I just got off the phone with CL#2, who was calling to see if I was ok. I asked her where she had taken the duck, and she told me about a mile away.


For a moment, I had felt safe. But a mile isn't that far for a mad duck.



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Ducks do seem to like to chase anything that will run from them, but I can't say I was ever attacked by one. Just a rooster. LOL I was quite young, but my Mom says that we had fried chicken that night at my aunt's farm and she said the shotgun got a couple of hens, too. LOL

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**whispers, too...**


Westie, you might have something there...


When the guys came to "set" our modular house on its foundation, one of the guys was particularly singled out for chasing by one of our two geese.


I apologized, and told him that, since it was mating season, the geese were especially protective.


Either that, I told him, or that one REALLY likes you!!!

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I dunno what *issues* that duck had, but so far it hasn't reappeared again...lol


I'm still a little nervous though. I'm just hoping that the duck isn't like a homing pigeon and finds its way back...



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  • 2 years later...
  • 9 months later...

I cannot believe that I'm doing this...


Resurrecting this true story so that all our new friends can understand the joke (that wasn't funny at the time lol) in regard to me and ducks.


As I said, this really did happen, and more...lol




You owe me for doing this for you.





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pound.gifThat was priceless. I thought I was gonna die laughing...


I could relate too well. Something very similar happened to me, only it involved a durned psychotic killer GOOSE. About a week after I finally shot the goose, a broody hen turned homicidal. She would hide in the trees near the front door of my home, and viciously attacked anyone who came out of it. I shot her, too. The shooting and ensuing commotion (y'know how it went...like 'a chicken with it's head cut off') must've traumatized the other animals pretty badly. Most of the barnyard critters wouldn't come near me for a long time, after that. Even my dog ran away and lived at the neighbor's for almost week.


We are ruined for life...Darlene probably breaks out in hives at the sound or sight of an ordinary duck. A simple 'honk' or 'cluck' does it for me.

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Originally Posted By: Darlene
I cannot believe that I'm doing this...

Resurrecting this true story so that all our new friends can understand the joke (that wasn't funny at the time lol) in regard to me and ducks.

As I said, this really did happen, and more...lol


You owe me for doing this for you.



Thanks for the belly laughs! If laughter is the best medicine, then I'll be living for a loooong time.

As tokens of my deepest appreciation, I'm sending you a big pot of Duck and Andouille Gumbo: canning ...and duck sausage...and duck and wild rice casserole...and duck stew with dumplings...and duck cassoulet...and Cajun Fried Duck...and, after I consult with Susie, a big jar of duck confit...and duck...yikes! escape.gif
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