It's so hard ...

[Genoa]

I had resolved not to say anything about this when I returned to this forum after a long absence, but it's in my thoughts all the time. I have been away, trying to deal with the loss of my son and daughter-in-law (who was like a daughter to me). They had lived with us, in an apartment over our garage, for the past few years while they saved to buy a house, and we were very close. It was a comfort to have them nearby, also, because they helped to lighten the load of caring for a handicapped child--not so much in terms of actual hands-on assistance (although that, too, on occasion), but more from an emotional support standpoint. Then, in just a moment, their lives were taken away from us.

 

I go through my days like a zombie, everything reminds me of them, and I haven't made it through a day without crying. I think I would just curl up and stop doing anything if it weren't for my husband and my remaining multiply handicapped child who depends on me so much.

 

So I go on. I am continuing to prepare, but for two less now. Every time I add something to my pantry it's a painful reminder that I'm no longer preparing for two of my loved ones.

 

Anyway, that explains my absence and my suddenly resurfacing with questions. I thank everyone who has been so generous in sharing their knowledge and expertise.

[anitapreciouspearl]

Oh Genoa...how sad. I'm glad you came back to this wonderful group for support.

 

((((((HUGS)))))

 

I prayed for you -

[Ambergris]

(((Genoa)))

 

 

One day the wise king Solomon was feeling mischievous. His eye lit on one of his more earnest counselors. He called the fellow forward and said, "I have a quest for you, and wish you to complete it in time for the feast of Sukkoth: Find me that which maketh the happy sad, and the sad happy."

 

The earnest fellow went forth, up and down in the world, seeking that which would make the happy sad and the sad happy. One day, very discouraged, he sat by a well and told the old man there his goal and his fear of disappointing the king, for Sukkoth was but two days away.

 

The old man said, "Come with me." Following the old man, he entered the home of a goldsmith, and heard the old man whisper something to the goldsmith.

 

Without looking up, the goldsmith set aside his work and began a new piece, a gold ring. Into the gold the smith cut three letters. Gimel, zayin, yod.

 

The counselor knew at once what the letters meant, and was filled with peace.

 

Two days later, King Solomon saw his counselor had returned. Calling him forward, the king bade the earnest fellow to bring forth "that which maketh the happy sad, and the sad happy."

 

The counselor presented the ring, and explained to the great king, "The letters here stand for the knowledge that will always make the happy sad, and the sad happy: Gam zeh ya'avor. This, too, shall pass."

 

[Stephanie]

Genoa, welcome back, I'm so glad that you are here.

 

I can not fathom the depth of your loss, but I am confidant in the Lord's ability to comfort you in this time of grief!

 

I pray that the Holy Spirit will wrap you in comfort and peace that passes all understanding.

 

(Ambergris, I like your story about Solomon)

[Jeepers]

I am so very sorry for your loss. Words escape me. I'm sure it is hard for you. There will always be someone here for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! I'm really sorry.

[SueC]

Words cannot express the sorrow, but know that here with this cyber family, you are not alone. There are many who haved grieved who understand your pain, there are others of us that hope we never go through the valley you are walking. But each one of us is reaching out to let you know you are loved and missed.

 

Try to focus on the happy times you spent with your son and daughter in law - memories should be sweet.

[MommyofSeven]

I"m so sorry for your loss, Genoa. I do hope that you feel the presence of God walking beside you right now-maybe he's even carrying you in His loving, sheltering arms. I know it's hard to turn to Him at a time like this, but even now He is there. I am praying for your family in this time.

 

Mo7

[Ginger]

Thank you for sharing your great loss with us.

My heartfelt prayers and thoughts are with you, dear Genoa!

Each day with loved ones is indeed a precious gift and it is healthy to allow yourself to grieve such loss of family. You prepare for tomorrow because your heart is filled with love and you are meant to live on for those entrusted to you. You are a blessing and we are glad you found us again! You have a Mrs.Survival lifeline that is going to pray with you and support you in these dark days. We are here for you! ((((hugs))))

[MomM]

(((Genoa))) I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your dear family and your precious DIL's family.

[Virginia]

So sorry for your great loss. May God fill the void with His love.

[ArmyOfFive4God]

Oh sweetie, please do talk about it. We're here to "listen" & offer whatever prayers, encouragement & support we can!!! I'm so heartbroken for you over your loss.

[jeanettecentaur]

I'm sorry for your pain, Genoa...

[quiltys41]

Genoa, I am so sorry you lost those you loved. I wish I had some wonderful words to take all your pain away, but I don't. All I can do is listen or read and pray for you, and that I will do any time you need it.

 

Q

[PoGo]

Genoa, I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Genoa]

Thank you, everyone, for your kind replies. It's been hard getting back into a regular routine. Just the usual chit chat with the grocery checker is such an effort---the whole time I'm responding to their comments and questions, I'm overwhelmed by how inconsequential the price of potatoes or the weather is to me, when compared with the loss of my children. They're the first thing I think of when I get up in the morning and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep at night---and in my mind constantly through the day and even in my dreams. So it was a bit of a relief to say something here, as I can't say what I'm thinking in those casual contacts through the day. Part of me wants to explain why I look so bad, why my usual smile has deserted me, etc., but the more rational side says others don't really want to know. So thank you for listening and responding so graciously.

[MommyofSeven]

Genoa,

 

One of my daily blog reads addresses the issue of grieving mothers. I will PM you the link if you want. It's been since February, and she posted a few days ago that she finally made it through one day without crying. I cannot imagine the pain, and I'm sure it must seem like it will never, ever stop. Please know that there are people, not only here, but who have gone through the loss you have available to you at this time. We are here to help you in whatever small ways we can. Please let us know if you need something specific-or sometime specific, even phone if you need.

 

Mo7

[Cat]

Genoa, you might be surprised at the reactions of those you might speak with. There may be someone who can offer you words of hope and understanding for that *moment*, but don't know your pain. And it's one thing to mention it, another to talk about it constantly... you know the difference.

 

Never assume that those who are used to your smiling face don't *care* about why you're broken-hearted now. God may be waiting to bless you with comforting words and silent prayers on your behalf by those who love Him.

 

Just like here, where we'll hold hands and keep a circle of love and prayer around you...

 

 

 

 

[Lois]

[Jeepers]

The grieving process is on going. I've found, for me, it does get a little easier with time. It still hurts as bad but the time between break downs gets longer and longer and dosen't last as long. I've never lost a child, so I won't say I know how you feel, but I did lose my mother when I was 18 years old. I'm an only child and had a rotten step dad. I felt pretty alone a lot of the time. After 37 years I still miss her deeply.

 

Sometimes other people just don't know what to say. They can't say anything to make it better and they are afraid they will say the wrong thing. Sometimes they don't want to bring it up just in case you aren't thinking about at that moment. It's so hard for everyone.

 

I'm glad you're starting to open up and that you shared it here. You remain in my thoughts and prayers!

 

[Becca_Anne]

{{{{{{{Genoa}}}}}} I am so very very sorry for your loss! It must be just unbearably hard and I wish there were something we could do to ease your pain. You will be in our thoughts and prayers!!!

[Beth]

I'm so sorry. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a child. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Snowmom]

Genoa, I am so sorry for your loss,

 

 

from here too.

 

[Genoa]

Since I'm pouring out my problems here, I'll add that my handicapped child's identical twin died at four months. (They were preemies, and the doctors didn't hold out much hope that either would survive, but they were fighters.) I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen, but, as painful as it was, this is much worse.

 

I need to be a fighter like they were, though, and I'm trying to fight back against any feelings of self-pity and, while allowing myself to grieve, keep moving on. Thanks, again, for all the support.

[Ambergris]

(((Genoa)))

 

 

[rootdiggr]

Genoa,

 

I cannot tell you how sorry I am for your loss, but I am grateful that you have decided to come back to the group. Let the love here help you in your healing process.

 

Kathy