k and go cry and come back

[Maineiac]

I've been a day writing this. I start and come back I go cry and come back. I've been reading posts and posting also in the interim.

 

I was counting my blessings and that has been hard to do this past year.

 

I got a knock on the door and a chaplin and an Air Force officer were there. I knew what for and sat down on the floor and cried out. His Hummer had been destroyed by an IED in Fallujah.

 

The funeral was so long and I do not remember a lot of it. I hugged a flag and wanted to hug my husband. I couldn't even see him to say goodbye. They sealed the coffin.

 

I was awash with doubt about life now. I had two kids to finish raising. A house to run and life to live though I had nights alone I did not want to see the sun rise again.

 

Then every day something would bring me back a bit more to life. My kids have been great, no troubles at all and they help all the time. Before it was a fight to get them to clean their rooms, now they clean the house without me asking. They kept me sane for a year of sadness.

 

I sat on the porch one day feeling so sorry for myself and then remembered my blessings beyond my two children. I had 15 years with a wonderful man who loved me. We fixed this house up and paid it off completely. We had a good nest egg set aside for retirement. The insurance check from the government went into the college fund. I haven't touched it. We had a good life.

 

I read about people struggling to make house payments and wondering where their next meal will come from and how they will heat themselves this winter and I feel so lucky that he left me with the resources and the skills to do all that.

 

I still do not know how I will make it without him, his strength and humor, his laugh and his joyous outlook on life. I have days when I get so bitter about the whole situation and then I remember he always use to say, no matter what Honey ~ Semper Fi. He was a Marine through and through. Always Faithful. No matter how he and I felt about the Iraq mess he went because Marines go. His Grandfather went with the Marines to Guadalcanal. His father was with the Marines at Khe Sahn. He was the first one not to come home sitting in a seat on the airplane.

 

I'll make it. I have to. I may break down now and then but I am a wife of a Marine and we serve too.

 

I am so proud that at Bangor International Airport there are Troop Greeters that gather every time they get word troops are on a plane. When those guys and gals get off the plane they see a group of Americans thanking them and giving them a wonderful greeting home or a send off to the war zone.

 

Read about it.

 

http://mainetroopgreeters.com/Site/Home-1.html

[mommato3boys]

To you and your children THANK YOU

[Lois]

((((Maineiac))))

[Dee]

I just don't have words for some things and this is one of them but please accept my hugs and prayers Maineiac.

[Deb2of9]

I am so sorry that this had to happen to you and your family. I will add my thanks to you and your family for your service. I have always felt that the families are the forgot ones serving. Sometimes it is a joint decision and other times one of them was in the service when they met. No matter, if your spouse, father, child or even to a smaller degree, aunt, uncle and grand child, you are also serving. You make the sacrafices of your family being together. You make a sacrafice every day while you support the ones who is on active duty, and when they are gone, you continue to live on making that sacrifice for all of us every day. I find this hard myself at times, you see although I no longer am in the army or are my children in, my nephews are. We lost one just this past month, and although I barely knew him I didn't know how much it would hurt me. I am one of the add on family members that aren't as affected directly. I knew his parents but had only met him a couple of times because they live in another state, but it still hurts. I can't imagine how much more difficult it is for you and your children. Just as he has made the ultimate sacrifice, so have all of you.

 

I know of the Maine Greeters. I need to contact them again. Until about a year ago, I was making up packages for them. It stopped when I got hurt at work. I need to do it again. I know it means alot. It meant alot to my nephews have gone through there. They even loaned a phone to my nephews so they could call his mom before they left. For now all I do is Soldiers' Angels and Patriot Guard riders. It is the least I can do.

[Skagitgal]

Maineiac, Please come into our circle so we may stand with you, offer you our collective strength in a hug, and tell you come anytime. We will be here for you. Skagit.

[PoGo]

((((Maineiac))))

[Granny]

Amen to what Dee and the others said.

[Maineiac]

Thank You all for allowing me to have a place to vent some of what I did. In just two days here I felt comfortable enough to do that. Says a lot for the type of folks you all are here.

 

Thank You. ALL.

[Cat]

Maineiac

 

 

My you always feel the love and respect we hold for your family for the great sacrifice you are enduring.

 

Let this be a place of comfort and help to you, and a shelter when you need to cry.

 

 

 

 

 

[Aint2nuts]

I am so sorry you lost your husband.

[censored] this war.

 

 

[HSmom]

Originally Posted By: Skagitgal

Maineiac, Please come into our circle so we may stand with you, offer you our collective strength in a hug, and tell you come anytime. We will be here for you. Skagit.

I think Skagit did an excellent job of expressing my feelings.

[Darlene]

Awwwwwww geez, this is the first post I've read on the site this morning and I haven't even had a full cup of coffee and I've been sitting here crying.

 

Well first of all, we feel mighty priviledged that you trusted us enough to share some of the most vulnerable thoughts and feelings you have. I don't think there are ever any answers to things like this but a few thoughts come to mind...

 

Your life today so sweetly and tenderly honors your husband's life. He is one of those rare individuals who was willing to give all that he had for the country he loved so much. The fact that he chose YOU to be his lifelong partner and mate says alot about you because I'm sure he believed in you with all his heart and knew that no matter what, he could trust that you would carry on with dignity and courage. He saw something in you that he saw in himself and it's rare that 2 people make such a complete and perfect circle.

 

I don't even know you well yet but I can't stop crying because you have brought home to my heart the reality, not so much about personal opinions of what is going on over there, but the reality of my passion and belief in this country. Sometimes *she* scares me with the direction she goes at times, but I just can't stop falling in love with *her* over and over again. And when that reality of the price she REALLY pays hits home with experiences like yours, it just stuns and humbles me.

 

My whole family too has been either career or just single tours, in all the branches, from General down to elisted and I am very grateful for that.

 

We're honored you have joined us and we're here for you and your family. It may be just the net, but our hearts and prayers transcend that boundry.

 

((((maineiac))))

[Melissa]

I've started this a couple of different times but nothing sounds right.

Your husband sounds like the kind of man that other men can only dream of becoming. I can't fathom your pain or wipe away your tears but I can hug you through cyber space and offer you a shoulder to cry on. Your husband, you, and your family have given sacrificially to a country that seldom appreciates the cost of the things we hold dear. What y'all were able to accomplish on preparing for the future is amazing but y'all had a goal and you went out and accomplished it. I guess that's just what marines and their families do right?

I can only imagine the celebration in Heaven when the angels swept your husband up, away from the evils of this world, and gently placed him into the loving arms of his Father.

I will be here for you. We all will.

Sorry if this is too mushy but service members and their families have a special place in my heart and deserve our deepest respect and admiration.

 

[Maineiac]

He was special. I know how lucky I was. I have family members who's choices have been horrible and their lives reflect that. I lived safely and still do because of how he wanted us to live our lives. He prepared us in a way that he knew if what happened to him came to pass that we'd be as prepared as he could make us. One can never prepare for the loss and the emptiness, but our children have a good home, warm food and only good memories of their Dad. They never had to endure seeing us fight they only saw the Love. We had disagreements not fights, but we settled them away from the kids. I still hear him every day whispering in my ear little things to do and remember. He was always using the John Wayne line on me "C'mon woman, you're burning daylight!" I still hear that echoing. Before he left he went around the place putting little love notes to me. I still find them here and there. I hope I never find them all and as an old woman with our grandkids in my lap that I am still finding them.

He was special and I will never find another like him.

I appreciate the wondeful folks here who allowed me to finally say these things. It was the right time and place for me to find my way here.

[nana9]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds like a wonderful man. I'm glad he thought enough about you and your children to get your homelife prepared. I also hope you will find notes from him for a long time. My husband was in vietnam and I was lucky he came home. My son just returned from a tour of duty. And possible chance of another tour comming up. You and your children will be on my prayer list. Hugs to you.

[Momo]

This is one of the worst things about war. We lose the "Best" of our society. People who are willing to do what they feel is right. Everytime I hear about a soldier getting killed or hurt I think about them being the "cream" of our society. You and your family are lucky to have known and loved him.

 

I am so glad that we at MrsS can be a small part of your "new" family.

[Becca_Anne]

I am humbled by your husband's sacrifice for our country. I ache for you for your loss. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

[halfpint]

I'm praying for you, I wish like others we could gather around and hug. Like many others I am torn over this war. I see the need, but hate the sacrifices to be made.

 

Dawn

[JCK88]

I'm new here, but your post had me crying. My heart goes out to you and your family. "Thanks" seems inadequate, but sincere thanks to your husband and to your family.

 

Good for you for staying strong and findng ways to seek joy in life.

[Jewlzm]

I have started this post a couple of times and I can not seem to get the words right. Being a military wife is not easy I know this first hand but your sacrifice is the hardest one to ever make and I thank you greatly and pray for your comfort and strength.

 

 

 

[westbrook]

one thing you will find here besides a sisterhood is WE SUPPORT OUR Military!

 

We support the families of those that have chosen to serve our great country.

 

If you need anything please don't hesitate to ask!

 

 

[Joni]

I just read your post,and My prayers go out to you and your family for your loss . So many of the previous post have said it better than I ever could But God Bless you and keep you close to Him for he will give you strength and Hope.Words cannot fully express my thanks to you and your family for your ultimate sacrifice.

 

Joni

 

[Buttercup]

Wow what a shining light you are. I can't explain the range of emotions your posts have put me through this morning! The strength, love, courage and grief, have me speachless and that takes alot.

[dogmom4]

(((Maineiac))